Sunday, January 31, 2010

Marriageable Ladies

Sometimes the most shocking things are learned by accident.

Mine Host, after one of those stupid training courses that are part and parcel of existence in a modern western nanny society, is in discussion with the Trainer (from down south) and Two fellow participants, well-adjusted rather attractive young ladies, sisters, aged roughly 20-25 years.

Not without a touch of wistfulness, the Trainer enquires as to why they aren't yet married?

The enthusiastic smiling reply came as if the answer was perfectly normal, something to be proud of, and rather dampens the conversation for Mine Host & the Trainer, though the girls don't understand this.

"Oh no, our father isn't finished with us yet!"

If it is only their father enforcing conjugal rights, then they are better off than many.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Marching Orders Part #6

Law firm Ding, Dong & Dell had acted for Mine Host for many years. They were privy to all his affairs.

Mine Host becomes embroiled in a dust-up with his landlord. The landlord, an arm of a merchant bank, is named (say) McBank.

Mine Host was being shafted by the landlord. In hindsight this was landlord's original intention.

Mine Host visited Ding, Dong & Dell in their CBD tower chambers (river-view from each office) met with the managing partner, explained the unfolding scenario and asked would there be any impediment to D,D & D acting for him in the matter?

"Yes, no conflict of interest, no impediment whatsoever to prevent us acting for you"

Time passed, A mediation conference was looming, Mine Host contacted Ding, Dong & Dell for desperately needed advice.

The response was a terse letter explaining there was a conflict of interest for them and that they would not be able to act in this matter.

Too panicked to have time to spare for shoving pins, nay roofing nails, into little wax dolls of his erstwhile lawyers, Mine Host went to the next office tower, rode the lift up to the first law firm listed on the lobby wall, and found himself a new lawyer.

The mediation conference is in the offices of Acme Properties, a hard-nosed ruthless bunch of bullies somehow involved in this mess.

Water is sipped & small talk made until all parties arrive, the intercom peals, & a chirpy female voice announces to the directors of Acme that their lawyer has arrived: a "Mr So-and-So of Ding, Dong & Dell."

This was going too far. Mine Host objected most vehemently to the presence of Ding, Dong & Dell, stating the reason why.

The conference, when eventually held, is a failure.

The matter is finally decided in the most expensive of circumstances in Sydney. A Three-cornered spat, Mine Host had not imagined there could exist such a thing, a legal dispute consisting of Three equally opposing parties.

The Three parties are:
Mine Host
XYZ Insurance Company (representing Acme Properties, by now fallen out with McBank)

Readers may be assured it was unpleasant enough being taken on by McBank, without having XYZ pumelling from the opposite direction. XYZ & McBank used most of their energy getting stuck into each other, Mine Host was more or less crumbs, however that was all that was needed. Mine Host lost his shirt.

The clanger?

At the hearing XYZ Insurance Company were represented by the firm Ding, Dong & Dell.

Monday, January 11, 2010

A Bright Future in Traffic Branch!

A police officer was standing in the yard of the Wayside Tavern.

In one of the more astounding (and public) displays of "Clueless Constable Syndrome" he pointed to the spot in the security fence where Mine Host had indicated trespassers had entered the premises the night before, and said (his resigned tone indicating he believed himself in the presence of intellectual inferiors):

"Dunno how you can complain people got into the place, there's a hole been made in the fence right at that spot!"

Monday, January 04, 2010

Back to the 1970s

Australia is beset by many things, including a very retro industrial award. Introduced a few days ago with the change of calendar year, it is one of the most backward documents Mine Host has read. All 150-odd pages of it.

The Hospitality Industry General Award is a step directly back to the 1970s.

A long outspoken campaigner for simplification of the industrial awards covering his industry, Mine Host alas can find nothing positive in the new award.

This ONE new award is more complex than the SIX it replaces. (that is, the Six, including subsets of awards, under which Mine Host's operation currently operates)

As this new award is far more employer unfriendly than those it replaces, it will be implemented in stages, beginning in July.

For were this award to be implemented in one swoop, there would be a risk of social, industrial, and possibly political upheaval on an unprecedented scale (for Australia)

The government is relying on the "boiled frog" phenomenon to get the award past small business, ramping it up over a few years.


Under the new award some aspects of the Wayside Tavern will no longer be economic, thus will be cut or eliminated, as will be jobs cut or eliminated.

Mine Host estimates that the pay reduction to each staff member, caused by structural changes in the new award, will be roughly $1,500 per year. Some of the better staff will lose far more, as there is considerable penalty applied to those prepared to work (an award designed to discourage employment of someone who works hard: smells of Trade Union involvement!)

So far careful analysis of the business and the new award have exposed some efficiencies that can be made in the business. Already Two jobs have been identified as being uneconomic under the new award.

Mine Hosts forecast: After July 1st, he will be employing Four less staff.