Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Video Evidence

After a few months on the payroll at the Wayside Tavern, Gertrude Frump presented with a medical certificate, saying she had sustained a back injury at work, and would be unfit for any duties until such time as the second coming occurred.

In her claim she made much of the "injury" that happened to her "at work", and of how she could now barely bend over, was unable to perform even basic household tasks, blah blah blah.

Workcover phoned to:
1/. Request paperwork on her rate of pay, etc.
2/. Request any other information regarding the "injury".

Mine Host assured Workcover he'd forward payroll details, and mentioned that the claim was bogus.....
..... the security camera footage of the hours and days subsequent to the "injury" did not show any sign of a back injury.
...... she was shown for the several hours after the "injury" leaping about like a young gazelle, handling heavy loads, etc. until her shift ended.
......a few days later she helped carry an entire lounge suite up the back stairs of the Wayside Tavern.  This took more than an hour, and was heavy lifting the entire time.

Thus Mine Host offered to make copies of all this damning CCTV evidence, and forward it to Workcover.

The young lady from Workcover said guardedly that they "like to see these sort of things", as it was of invaluable assistance in uncovering bogus claims.

Several CDs containing 6 hours of very damning video files were posted to Workcover.

Several days later, having heard nothing from Workcover, and with curiosity consuming him, Mine Host telephoned the young lady.

The Workcover inspector lady at first had no recollection of who Mine Host was, or to what he was referring.

When it became clear that Mine Host was not going to be put off, and was wanting to know what Workcover inspectors thought of the video footage, she remembered the case, and the video files.

In a heated and antagonistic tone of voice she curtly barked at Mine Host:

"That video supports her claim!"


Gertrude Frump, due to being "unable to perform even the simplest household tasks, because of her work injury", was on full worker's compensation for 6 months.

During that time she left her husband of 20 years, spending the 6 months living in a house shared by several single tradesmen.  She did all the housekeeping and cooking for them in return for a free room, bed with whichever housemate she chose, and payment in cash.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Volunteer Plumber

Vandalism to the premises by members of the public is a never ending battle for publicans.
This criminal activity is usually conducted out of public view.   In these times of security cameras, vandalism is mostly inside the toilets, where not only are there no security cameras, but a little bit of personal privacy is granted.

A common activity is to smash a beer glass into a toilet bowl, then defecate copiously upon it, creating a nasty & very septic booby trap for the cleaning staff, as the only way to clean this is painstakingly, by hand.

There is a very special place in the heart of all Wayside Tavern staff for the anonymous ghosts who perform such acts, as we've all had a go at cleaning up these types of mess.

However, sanctimonious refusal to allow security cameras anywhere near the toilets is a two-edged sword!

On a certain evening one of the guards, patrolling the gents toilets, happens to interrupt a male person in an act of vandalism.  The guard advises the event via two-way radio.

Mine Host & two more guards attend post-haste.  There is a lot of pent-up vengeance being brought to this incident.

The male person is being detained by the guard who caught him.

The offender had ripped open the supposedly man-proof cistern cover, reefed a handful of pipes from the cistern, twisted them, dropped them into the toilet bowl, then defecated upon them.

The vandalised plumbing is still in situ.

The three guards subtley edge closer to the male.  Well aware of the precariousness of his situation, the offender is visibly shaking with fear.
There are no cameras in here, no witnesses, and no cops.

The guards advise the male person that he will remove, with his bare hands, the damaged plumbing from the toilet bowl, sanitize it, repair it and fit it from whence it came, then clean out the toilet bowl.

The offender states that he's "Not putting [his] hands in there!"

In a realistic tone of voice, the guards state that unless he does, they'll thrash him to within an inch of his life.  The menace in the air is palpable.

The guards don't much mind which way it goes.  They've had their turns at cleaning up after animals like this.

The offender realises from the look in the eyes of the guards that whichever of the guards who hits him first will punch him on the point of the nose, but be aiming for the back of his head.

... for those who haven't been around violence, this does not mean that he'll be hit from behind.....

The offender turns white, and shaking with fear, proceeds to do as ordered.  The supervision is most intense!

After the repairs are complete, the offender is removed most forcefully from the premises and advised to never return.

So continues life behind the bar.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Commercial Awareness

There are some things to not do at a job interview.
Some examples:
  • Wear sunglasses pushed up on top of the head.
  • Dress casually.
  • Overtly display necklaces/gold chains.
  • Say stupid things.
Recently an applicant for a senior role remarked in conversation that were he as "rich" as Gina Rinehart, he'd use the money for "good" instead of being "greedy and wanting more".

This automatically vetoed his job application.

That Reason: It demonstrates lack of commercial awareness.

The Wayside Tavern is a commercial enterprise.
The Wayside Tavern is self funding.

The very minute the Wayside Tavern stops making a profit, it ceases to exist.
The very minute the Wayside Tavern stops making a profit, every member of the staff loses their job.

Thinking of money as something to give away, is fine for someone on the dole, in the armed forces, in the church, etc., but not in a commerical business!

Almost every business in the land (almost certainly this includes Gina Rinehart) is mortgaged or otherwise beholden to lenders.

If a business is valued at (say) ten million dollars, it does not mean the owner has the option of converting it all into $10,000,000 in banknotes tomorrow morning, putting it under a mattress, and spending it on beer, snacks, dancing girls or perhaps giving $10,000,000 to the needy.

A business is a treadmill, demanding inordinate amounts of the owner's time, without regard to a social calendar.

A business valued at (say) ten million dollars has two options:
Stop trading, in which case there'll be not much left after the fire sale, and the owner will quite likely have to get a job.
Pursue profit, in the hope of keeping one's head above water (financially).
This latter is a constant battle.

In a key role, in a commerical enterprise, there is no room for someone who is not commercially aware!

Heck, this bloke probably believes that all that money in the cash register in Grace Bros. is "pure profit - cash in hand, not bad work if you can get it?"

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Noisy Street March in the City

In the big smoke on business yesterday, Mine Host (and everybody else in the CBD) couldn't help but hear a noisy mob on the street below.

Windows were popping open everywhere, as people strived for a better view of the unfolding event below. Police were at the scene.

Yep! Sailors of the R.A.N. marching to a brass band, through the streets of central Cairns!

A similar event happened yesterday in Sydney, but a vastly different mob, with a vastly different outcome, and a vastly different level of public support. As reported by Boy on a Bike.

Going Viral

One could post about the advisability of clicking on the wrong part of an unsavoury website, or the benefits of keeping one's anti-virus up to date......

..... but it is when all your auto-storage of passwords is consigned to history that the full impact of losing one's usual computer hits home.

One could post on the joys & hardships of trying every password combination possible, only to be locked out of websites by this message: Account suspended due to too many password attempts.

... Mine Host has now winched up a bucket of water from the memory well, and has drunk the elixir contained therein. All passwords are now stored in the super safe location of an A4 page blu-tacked to his office wall, in a word document in every computer, on a card carried in his briefcase, inside his suitcase, and just about everywhere else except tattooed upside down on his tummy.

Regular posting will now resume.....

Thursday, September 06, 2012

How to Withdraw a Job Application

On the phone to a shortlisted applicant for an executive level position, Mine Host apologises for being a couple of days returning the call. He offers one of the most well-used cover stories there is: "I've been a bit tied up with a few contracts".
Translation: "I don't have to explain myself to you, and I won't be"

"Are you some sort of Gina Rinehart type?" asks the applicant.

Mine Host laughingly states that there are "many differences" between him & the minerals magnate Gina Rinehart.

The candidate then kills their application:

"Glad to hear you're different to her. I just don't understand her greed. If I had that much money, I'd be using it to help people, rather than being greedy with it!"

That did it, Mine Host is many things, however he is not silly enough to let someone with such a mindset to get anywhere near his rice bowl.

How can anyone with that attitude expect to be hired for a job that requires them to do some actual thinking?

UPDATE: There have been a few emails from distant acquaintances, (who it should be noted, aren't in executive level positions) expressing puzzlement at "what is wrong" with the above statement by the job candidate.

For the information of those who are fortunate enough to have not faced the bailiff, the receiver, or had a "no coffee no biscuit" interview with the bank, and thus perhaps have not had economic reality enforced on them, tomorrow's post shall bring enlightenment!