Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Single or Double?

Mine Host, in the Really Big Smoke on business, books a room at his preferred pub, the Stamford Plaza.

Booking online, Mine Host is faced with a choice of the following room rates:

Double occupancy (with breakfast): $366 per night.
Single occupancy (sans breakfast): $385 per night.

You couldn't make it up!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

You Think You're Hard Eh?

Scene: Beer Garden of the Waysider Tavern. Time: Mid-evening.
Cast: Assorted onlookers
          Handful of bikies (all aged 45+)
         Hard-looking manual labourer. (aged 55+)
Action: Bikies lounge around suggestively, making the most of the new street cred they have courtesy of the state govt's groovy new anti-bikie laws.

Hard-looking manual labourer glares at them.
Bikies hesitate a little, then muster a return glare. (The manual labourer has the appearance of one who is dreadfully physical, and the look of a one who has very fast reflexes and plenty of match practice when it comes to brawling.)

Hard-looking manual labourer speaks, in a very very thick Irish accent: "So ye think ye're hard ones do ye?"
Total silence from the bikies.
"Ye wooden know wot hard is, boys"
At this stage one of the bikies points out their pedigree, and their "reputation".

Like a crack of lightning the labourer is on his feet, his chair flies backward several feet.
"Ye think ye're as hard as the IRA do ye?"
"Do ye even know what is the IRA?"
"Well, are ye hard like ye sayz? I don't think ye're hard, I think ye're so soft I could clean the lotta ye up, on me own!"

This assertation is not contested by the bikies, who've already taken a collective few paces backward.

None of the bikies dare meet the Irishman's gaze.

A few minutes later the labourer is back to softly chatting with his friends, the bikies have slunk off with tails firmly between legs, and Mine Host is busy burning the security camera file to disc, for later viewing pleasure.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I only did what you Told Me To!

A line Chef has similarities to a production line worker.  They will perform one task in a line, that alone will not make a meal, but contributes merely a part of it, put together finally by the Senior Chef on Duty.

(There are issues surrounding Chef performance - being as most at the Wayside Tavern have come from countries where labour is cheap.)

One particular morning the Exec Chef details Chef to unpack a freshly delivered pallet of foodstuffs,  store it ".....then get back to watching your grill plate, mate."

Some many minutes after completing the unpacking line Chef is observed by Exec Chef to have not done another stitch of work.

Furthermore line Chef is observed to have adopted a most strange stance............ resembling that of a diligent watchdog.

..........He's.... (would you believe it?) ...."watching" the grill plate.  Standing there...... doing nothing but..... gaze at it.

So continues life under the big tall white stovepipe Chef's hat!