Thursday, September 29, 2005

no bathtub required

Head Chef on his 3rd day on the job was giving the kitchen a mild spruce up. Alone, he started early, getting most of it done just as the kitchenhand arrived for work.

Head Chef, without looking up from his scrubbing, verbally issued kitchenhand his instructions. A few deep fryer parts to be rinsed off, given a mild scrub & then put through the dishwasher, followed by making up some pre-made salad portions.

A short while later Head Chef realised he hasn't heard any of the sounds of activity, half an hour had passed & none of the kitchenhand's appointed tasks appeared to have been completed.

A quick squizzo around revealed the kitchenhand outside seated in a relaxed manner on a milk crate.

Mystified, Head Chef enquired why only half an hour after starting time, kitchenhand was sitting on his bum instead of working.

"Having a smoke" grunts k/hand over his shoulder.
"I didn't ask you to go outside & light a cigarette, I asked you to put all the chopped salad parts together into bowls as portions"
"That's your job mate"

*brief silence from Head Chef* <--- whilst he digests this, & compares it to what would have happened in this case when he was learning the trade in Glasgow. (in deceptively mild tone of voice) "Sonny, you do realise you only get paid if you do some work?" Most reluctantly k/hand stands & comes back into the kitchen. "Due to your starting just now, instead of half an hour ago when you were supposed to, we are a little behind, so you better get stuck into cleaning off those inserts for the deep fryer" "I don't clean" replied k/hand. *another brief silence* "er.. waddaya mean you don't clean?"
"The other cook said I can smoke when I want, & it is degrading to clean"
"The other cook has quit, & I am in charge now, it is only your 4th day in this job, & part of all kitchen work is cleaning, get cracking!"
Sticking his chin out k/hand got out his most surly tone of voice "Better get another dishy then mate, coz I'm outta here, you can stick it up your *deleted word*"

With that, the lad who "cleans nothing" (he must really stink) pulled a pair of sunglasses down from where they had been perched on his head, stepped onto a skateboard, & departed.

Mine Host is no stranger to the ill mannerd lazy arrogant young who, when asked to concentrate, or to be diligent, curse the "nazi boss" & huffily walk off the job. However, never before has he known someone to "skateboard" off the job.

Quickly updated by his secretary on developments, Mine Host entered the kitchen to find Head Chef standing idle in shock, eyes like saucers, mumbling to himself "I dinna believe it, I canna believe it, I've never seen anything like it".. (has rather a unique sound to it when spoken in a Glasgow accent)

Apologising to Head Chef for inadvertantly hiring a kitchenhand of royal blood, Mine Host set off to catch up with his rarified majesty the departing kitchen hand. Alas, venegance was elusive, as the kid moved a good deal faster on a skateboard than he ever had at work. His blood was not to be shed on this day.


oigal said...

Thanks Mate,

Where is this pub and sorry if you have already told us.

But I do enjoy your site having grown up in an old pub on mid north Sth Aust

joe2 said...

Great prose.

oigal said...

aWW Fair go...a hint where this pub is?

Anonymous said...

“If you are not a bit left when you are young, you have no heart. If you stay that way into maturity you have no head (or feet).”

Blogstrop: That is merely a self justification of their past behaviour by lefties who were mugged by reality. At least they had the sense to learn.

Actually, its a take on a quote from Winston Churchill. The full quote is "if you're not a liberal in your 20's you've got no heart and if you're not a conservative by the age of 40, you've got no brain".