Saturday, March 25, 2006


Careful observation of patrons playing any of the jukeboxes at the Wayside Tavern will uncover the basic thriftiness of people.

They insert coins one at a time, purchasing credits for songs, and when those tunes are played out, will insert a further coin.

Very occassionally someone will insert two coins at once, three coins at once is so rare as to not be worth a mention.

However at closing time, when the jukebox is switched off, invariably there is some Donkey who claims to have "just put thirty bucks in", and wants his money back.

Mine Host has long grown weary of the folorn bleating which results from a refusal to refund. The jukebox area is dominated by signs warning of the time the jukebox will be switched off, and clearly state that no refunds are given, so be careful feeding in coins near to closing time.

However people still seriously expect us to believe that in the full knowledge that closing time is in three minutes time, they went ahead and fed $30 into the jukebox.... HA HA HA HA....

.... Recently a local businessman, Peter Poonce, came out from the pub to accost Mine Host in the street, and followed me into the administration area, all the while stating in a very aggrieved manner that he had fed $16 into the jukebox and "no songs had played".

Tired of idiots, and particularly tired of Peter Poonce, (whose character is best described by the part of anatomy to be found between his buttocks) Mine Host pointed out that the jukebox was on the blink, and was Peter Poonce "really sure" he had fed $16 into it, as the jukebox was SWITCHED OFF....?

"It was switched on when I came in, I fed in money, never got any songs, & kept feeding it in, nuthin' played".

Peter Poonce makes a pretence of being of good character, largely due to having a father and uncles who are respected in business, and by virtue of being of an "old" family of the district.

Wearily Mine Host makes his way to the bar, where the only patrons are Peter Poonce's group. They all agree that $16 was inserted into the jukebox by Peter, and Peter goes ON and ON in a manner which leaves no doubt as to his feelings of being ripped off.

"Okay, I can refund that, I will have to get it out of the money receptacle inside the jukebox"

"You * blank * well make sure you do, yeah, good idea... I been waitin' more than an hour for me money already"

Turning to the jukebox, Mine Host conceals a wickedly mirthful grin, for when the jukebox had malfunctioned that morning, he had emptied the moneybox, and harboured serious doubts that anybody would have fed money into a switched off jukebox.

The jukebox was opened to an accompanying triumphant grin of evil mirth from Peter Poonce, which turned to red-faced humiliation when I upended the money tin on the table amongst his cronies, and ONE DOLLAR rolled out.

Their heads all swivelled to follow the roll of the single coin as it toppled onto it's side & wobbled to a standstill......

.......Then the fellows who had played no part in the saga looked up at Peter Poonce and began laughing very loudly and purposefully, and they kept laughing.

Gosh that was a sweet moment for Mine Host.

This is the same as being caught cheating at cards. And the story is too funny not to make it all over town.

Peter Poonce will never live it down, one of the consequences of being well established in a small community.


oigal said...

That was beautiful....made my day

Dirk said...

You could sell tickets to watch something like that.

coolbreeze said...

hahaha....well done. Agree with dirk... you could write a book made up of short stories which have been happening at Wayside Tavern. And we all don't mind receiving an autographed copy of it from you. ;o)

Dataceptionist said...

I could see it a mile off and it was still GOLD