Sunday, December 11, 2011

Scientific Methodology

"This is a Dangerous Situation, Shut the Pub Immediately!"

Friday night late (or Saturday morning early if you like, as it was half an hour after midnight.)

The two police officers, walking the beat, presented at the front door of the Wayside Tavern.

The Constables hold a brief conversation with the doorman. As a result of this conversation one of the Police Officers then says there are "too many" people in the pub, orders the doors to be closed and no more people are to be admitted to the premises.

The head of security proceeds poste haste to the pub office. The office, containing the control room, is manned by a senior staff member whenever the pub is trading.

The orders from the office are for the pub's doors to reopen immediately, and to not close again under any circumstances, regardless of the braying of any low IQ cop.

This incenses the two police, who purposefully march to the office, exhibiting a very matter of fact manner........

This'll be brief. And it was:

The police engage in a terse rant about how there are "more than 400 people" inside the pub, and that this is "too many".

Question one: You coppers didn't count heads, as you've been to the front door only, so how do you know how many people are inside?
Official Police Answer: The doorman's scanner has registered 420 persons scanned in.

Question two: Hmm... 420 scans tonight, how many of those have since left the premises?
Official Police Answer: ".............."

Question three: Regarding those 420 scans, how many of them are double or triple scans? (Qld driver's licences are notoriously difficult to scan, we regularly have to scan twice)
Official Police Answer: "............."

Question four: Here's a copy of the Liquor Act ("grunt" as I lift it for them, "thud" as it lands on the desk) Please point to the part which legislates that a pub cannot have 420 people inside?
Official Police Answer: "............" endeth the conversation with police. They turn on their heel and depart the premises. We dont' see any police officer again that night.

If a publican who ran away from high school coz it shore had too much books 'n' hard stuff like that, can make such mincemeat of two fully trained & sworn in Queensand Police officers (with degrees), it is no wonder they are continually made fools of in courtrooms!


kae said...

You scan people going into the pub?

Things have changed.

(How many people pass in and out and get scanned in more than once? Next thing you'll need to scan them out!)

Oh, and well done on your demolition of dopeyness there.

JeffS said...

Petty, ignorant, pompous bureaucrats, throwing their weight around because they can.

Good job on showing them what fools they are.