Life's too Short!! (part 2)

A recent duke-up between a very-junior-lawyer in a very-large-firm and Mine Host has apparently made it to the desk of one of the firm's National Partners.

This escalation may have been precipitated by a progressively sterner exchange of emails between Mine Host & said junior lawyer (she of the still-with-wet-ink-on-her-degree).

When combative (and extremely junior) female lawyers are coming out second-best in a legal argument with a client who didn't even finish high school, they tend to not take it real well.

The National Partner, a very experienced litigator but a very busy man, in Mine Host's opinion made the following mistakes:

• He listened (likely quite briefly) to his subordinate's (emotive) opinion of how she was being bullied by a dumb client.
• He judged Mine Host by his occupation (publican, well they're all drongos).
• He judged Mine Host by postcode (from the country? well he's gotta be stoopid).
• He skimmed the email exchange without actually reading any of it.
• He then put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard actually) and put in writing something into which his nose will be rubbed by Mine Host:

(this excerpt from his brief-but-snappy email is paraphrased here for blog-legible brevity)

"Life's too short for us to bother giving accurate advice"

Merry Christmas (to all our valued clients!)

On the phone Friday afternoon, for a spot of last minute off-the-cuff legal advice before the world shuts down for the next two weeks, the lawyer wishes Mine Host a "Merry Christmas" before engaging in a brief 45 seconds or so of chitter-chatter about what our respective Christmas plans are.

Thus the phone call extends into an extra 6-minute chargeable block.  This really puts to the test Mine Host's seasonal "goodwill to all mankind" resolve.

Call rate is charged at $48 per 6-minute block.

He's Working on Your Case Right Now....

Scene: Telephone conversation.

Cast:

Mine Host

Junior who works for Mine Host's Lawyer.

Action:

Mine Host: [answers the phone] Hello.

Law firm junior: This is Junior Lawyer, on the team of Mr. Bigtime Partner, whom you've been repeatedly attempting to contact by telephone. Regretably he's not available today, is it okay if he telephones you on Monday, or is there something I can help you with today?

Mine Host: There is little you can do today, thank you, just so long as Mr. Bigtime Partner took the required action to handle the opposing lawyers before yesterday's 5pm deadline.

Law firm junior: ......[...extended silence...].........[...very extended...]......

Law firm junior: .....I've written into Mr. Bigtime Partner's diary that he should phone you on Monday..

So continues life as a client of one of the nation's leading law firms.

Life's too Short!

Mine Host asks an opinion of his litigation lawyer:

The result, for which Mine Host was billed circa $900, completely ignored one of the two connected circumstances for which advice was required.

Legal advice is like a 100 metre sprint. Stop halfway & you've got nothing.

Legal advice must be complete.

Mine Host is no ingenue around lawyers (their arrogant belief to the contrary notwithstanding.)

Due to hard & expensive experience, instructions by Mine Host to lawyers are:

• In writing.
• Concise.
• Bullet pointed.

Consequently, lawyers who crank up a dispute with Mine Host over the exact nature of their instructions, discover the dispute is quite brief indeed! (These fellers know all about the power of the written word! Nyeh nyeh nyeh!)

How did this particular lawyer handle Mine Host's ire at being billed for an advice that was not only incomplete, but had gone off on a tangent?

The junior who wrote it was a very young female who had been admitted as a solicitor for only a few months. She bristled up properly. (Most unwise, when one is a greenhorn)

The firm was a national firm. Heavy hitters. One of the nation's leading law firms.

Her written response, when asked why she had ignored half the client instructions:

"I decided that I did not have to adhere to your instructions"

The Notice that Never Was

A recent post on serving notice, by Legal Eagle, at the site she shares with Skepticlawer (she of the minimum two thousand word blog posts!) brings to mind Mine Host's favourite story of having notice served!

************

A fellow seated himself at the bar of the Wayside Tavern.

It was 6 p.m.

The bar was very busy.

The bar staff were flat out.

The stranger asked for Mine Host, & then the manager, both by name & was told that neither was on the premises.

The fellow pondered this for a few moments.

He then said that this abscence presented him with some difficulty. He was there to "serve notice" (at this point he waved an envelope) and had to serve it urgently, as he had been "supposed to serve it last week."

The barmaid was very busy & didn't catch everything he was saying. It was peak hour.

Later she noticed the fellow was gone.

He had left his envelope sitting on the bar, among the scattered newspapers, betting stubs, beer coasters & other detrius of a busy trading day.

This wasn't unusual, people usually leave things, including their money, on the bar while they go next door to buy something, or go outside for a smoke.

The papers/envelope were swept up and thrown into the rubbish bin when the bar was cleaned later on.

We know all this from a review of the security cameras.

For several days later the barmaid hesitantly mentioned that she may have "done something she shouldn't have".

Does just dropping the papers on the bar in a busy pub count as serving notice?

What was the particular legal matter referred to in the papers?

We have no idea whatsoever. It all went out with the rubbish many days ago.

Taking it to the Top

Having been stiffed by his law firm, with a bill for a .... rather aspirational amount, and not having got much sympathy from his lawyer, Mine Host has an idea.

He goes to see one of the law firm's senior partners.

The partner is caught unawares by the matter. Which is pretty much how Mine Host felt when he got the big fat bill.

The meeting is productive. Mine Host obliquely drops a reminder about the size of his legal bills and makes an even more obscure reference to how much he enjoys being a client of the firm & looks forward to a productive future relationship etc. etc.

This message is not lost, not on a firm that is losing clients & is having to retrench staff.
Mine Host now feels that the matter will be resolved in an adult manner.

The meeting ends with the partner assuring Mine Host that the matter will be looked into.

Actually it doesn't. The meeting ends with the senior partner chatting on for Twenty minutes or so about how much he'd like to take Mine Host along with him on his next overseas trip.

(Mine Host & the senior partner have a common background, one that is shared by very few - if any - lawyers or publicans).

Still, this is a most surreal ending to a meeting during which one has more or less accused the firm of cheating a client.

You Shouldn'ta Joined if you can't take a Joke!

The current law firm has engaged in a spot of ...er... exuberant billing.

Attached to every invoice, and a part of the costs agreement, is literature informing the client on the procedures of disputing a solicitor's bill.

First heading on the list: "Talk to your Lawyer".
[...talk to your lawyer about the bill. Once your lawyer understands why you are concerned, they will explain the costs and may agree to review the bill...]

The bill is Five times the estimate given in the costs agreement.

So Mine Host talks to the lawyer. Here is the amount of understanding & explanation he got:

"If you didn't want us to do this to you, you shouldn't have signed our costs agreement!"

Hmmm, seems like I'll be brushing up on my procedures for: "When bill disputes turn acrimonious."

Where do you Get Yours?

A sodomy joke to an audience of ex-cons wouldn't have produced a more uncomfortable silence....

All I did was ask for a cup of tea.

Five of us were crammed into the waiting room of the Barrister's chambers.
One of the two receptionists had enquired if anybody would like tea/coffee.
Only one taker, me.

Not because I was the client, & a cup of tea would (microscopically) help mitigate the several thousand dollars the meeting was about to cost. Just that I thought in the circumstances the more caffiene in me the better, and it would keep my hands occupied.

To the inevitable supplementary question: "How would you like it?"
I had answered, in time honoured fashion:

"Same way as my girls please, black & sweet"


.....It seemed nobody present had heard it put this way before.

The girl going for the tea was paused in mid-step.

My solicitor, an athletic fresh graduate from a legal family, supposedly a macho "blokey" type, blew his cover by saying "It's okay, he's from the country"

(Implication: "Don't blame me for this, my client is a backward hick and doesn't know any better)

Never one to take condescension very well, & mindful of the maze of coffee carts etc we had to negotiate to get into the building, I said out loud to nobody in particular:
"As opposed to city boys, who go down to the street & pay for it"

Now there was a silence in the room.

One of the older expert witnesses, clearly a chap who'd had some field experience in his life, suppressed a smile.
The rest of them were as if a broomstick has been used on them in place of a rectal thermometer.

Victory was mine! (And this in a room full of people whose profession was thinking on their feet in a courtroom)