Sunday, July 17, 2011

Pay up or Speak Clearly

"Gissacanejewce" barks Dave Drongo, his mate Brian Boofhead says "Makutoo".

They are leaning on the bar ordering drinks. Mine Host can barely decipher what they are saying. (They are asking first for a rum, and then "make it two")

Heidi von Cuteshape, the German backpacker bar attendant, has no hope of understanding them. This is their cunning plan. In their narrow worldview, speaking rapidly to her in obscure slang demonstrates their cultural superiority over someone whose first language is not English.
Mr. Drongo & Mr. Boofhead believe they are impressing her with their Ockerness.

Heidi thinks they are twits.

She has been instructed how to deal with exactly this situation:

Serving a pint of Guinness to Dave Drongo, & a Creme de Menthe (ooh la la) to Brian Boofhead, she quickly scoops the money from their pile, & informs them that they'll only be served again once they drink their "order".

Seeing the look in her eye, and the "you pair asked for that" mirth from the other drinkers, they reluctantly comply.

Result: An outbreak of clearly enunciated speech among the clientele (when ordering from NESB bar staff).

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