Safer Workplace

A government inspector, from the "Office of Occupational Health & Safety" made a visit to the Wayside Tavern.

He was there to inspect an area in the back of house that had "been reported" as having an "unsafe" method of climbing into a loft.

The inspector assessed the ladder used to get to the loft and as it was simply a common step-ladder, declared it "unsafe".

The inspector issued a requisition that a new ladder be installed, this one to have "bannister rails" (would you believe?), and that the employer was to write up a formal "ladder climbing procedure" (to be signed by any/all staff before they climed this ladder).

Included in the procedure was to be the requirement that any person climbing this ladder must at all times maintain 4 (four) points of contact with the ladder.

.... Anyone wondering why the new state government is going to fire 20,000 public servants, will have part of the answer by reading the above.

Customer Confidentiality

One of the staff from the Wayside Tavern struts into the bank.
This person is often entrusted to carry a deposit to the bank and deposit it over the counter, and that is the full extent of their involvement with banking matters.
They are not a signatory or in any way authorised on any bank account belonging to the Wayside Tavern.

Upon fronting the counter this staff member enquires of the teller:

"Does my boss have any bank accounts that I don't know about?"

The teller gazes at their screen and taps some keys on their console.
"Yes, here's an account which you probably don't know about"

"I didn't know that particular account existed" says the staff member, looking at the screen, "I'd like to know what activity there has been on that account."

"There's actually a fair bit of activity" responds the teller, "in fact too much to tell you about.  The account also maintains a significant cash balance!"

The teller then prints statements for the year to date (nine months worth), and hands them over the counter.


***************

Clarification:  The major sin in this tale is by the bank.
The staff member's sin is most minor alongside that committed by the bank officer.

Did he really want the job?

An application for an executive level job progresses through the following stages:

• Emailed application from the applicant, including resume & cover letter.
• Return email & brief email exchange.
• A few telephone calls from Mine Host to applicant.
• Skype call.
• Face-to-face interview.

For an interview with a particular candidate, Mine Host travelled 1700km.  A not particularly long distance in the scheme of selecting key staff.

The candidate was bordering on 60 years of age. An ideal age for executive level applicants.

The candidate brought his sister into the interview.

Oh boy!

You want me to serve THAT?

This happens from time to time, happened again today:

 

Fresh bar staff on the payroll.

Is either new to bar work, or new to the sharp end of the bar trade.

 

Induction goes well, lots of enthusiasm, doesn't have to be told anything twice, actually understands why we do some things (as opposed to doing it "because the boss says so")

 

Then when presented with a real live blue collar customer, in a public bar, she spins around and barks indignantly:

 

"You want me to serve that....?"


 Crikey we lose some promising staff that way.

Union Air

Air France!
With a particularly unhappy dose of the flu, I boarded a flight that was to be of 15 hours duration.
My throat felt like razor blades.  I looked forward to a drink of water, which would have been a lifesaver!

It was 10 hours into the flight before a cabin crew came near to me, and grudgingly provided a drink of water.

I saw the cabin crew for the second time just before landing, when they distributed a "feedback on our cabin service" card, then whisked it away before I could fill it in.

Thus Air France will forever hold a special place on Mine Host's list of unhappy memories.

The only people to arrive rested were the cabin crew.  Their union is retarding that airline, & their national reputation (such as it may be, cough).

Bayonet Charge!

Overheard by one of the candidates during a presidential election debate:

"...we've... got less horses & bayonets nowdays..."   and:
"... submarines.... you know, those ships that go under the sea..."

There are many differences between the US Navy and ours (eg, the US Navy does not have a swimming test - if you can't do two laps of an olympic pool while fully clothed, it is no impediment to enlistment) however, if the informal rules on misuse of teminology are anything like the same, there are a whole lot of sailors right now seething that when they used the wrong word, they had to buy a 24-pack of beer for every man on the boat, while the clueless commander-in-chief gets off scot free!

And... is any reader with a source inside the US armed forces able to confirm the commander-in-chief's statement that bayonets are no longer issued at the ratio of one per grunt?

ABC hubris

Favourite moment of the ABC's tally room coverage of the recent Northern Territory election:

When it became clear that the ALP government had been voted out, a distraught Kerry O'Brien instructed (yep, instructed) a member of the new government, to not change any of the policies of the [defeated] ALP, because the voting pattern had indicated an affirmation of ALP policy.

You couldn't make it up!

Cash Burning Hole in Pocket!

In an undisclosed overseas country, Mine Host props up the bar, his only accompaniment a glass of champagne.

In the almost empty bar the late night conversation is between two foreign (western) women and the bartender (a local).

Mine Host cannot help but overhear the bartender talk to the two women of the sad tale of a proposal for a resort development by a foreign entrepreneuer.  A development that had been scotched from afar, by the national government acting under pressure from various groups.

The bartender's meaning:  A great opportunity lost for the people of his district, in the form of jobs, brand naming of the district on the international tourist scene, and ancillary development, jobs businesses, etc.  Perhaps his kids wouldn't have needed to have moved away, or overseas, to find a life.

The response of the only of the two of the vapid western women still able to string a sentence together:
(She'd completely missed the bartender's meaning.....)
"Haha, the [overseas developer] will just have to go & spend all his money at home on fancy cars, luxury holidays & new villas, ha ha ha ha....."

The bartender, bland faced, said nothing....

Mine Host near choked on his champagne.  Yes, people really are this stupid.  Seeing a resort development only in terms of how much money it will make for the developer (making money is baaad).... and being stupid enough to think that 100% of the cost of constructing the resort was discretionary disposable cash burning a hole in the developer's pocket.

One supposes that there are, somewhere, developments that are not done with borrowed money, but such circumstance would be very rare.

Even less likely would be a developer, who when stymied by vapid western green groups, just spends an equal amount of money on lifestyle.

******

Have either of the two women mentioned above ever heard of the phrase "raising capital", or thought about the meaning behind that phrase?

Have either of them thought of how they seem, laughing to a resident of a district with limited economic propects, at how the district, on the whim of already affluent pressure groups, being arbitrarily denied a life-changing chance at some of the properity enjoyed by those same two women?

They walk among us........

Stupid. Got a degree, but still stupid.

It is of constant amazement to Mine Host how many people consider themselves to be "worldly-wise" and "broad-minded" whilst actually being as dumb as a box of rocks.

The gurus behind Blogger.com security have just been added to that list.

Doubtless these code writers have a tertiary education, likely a swish degree in something difficult.

Since the date of the previous post, Mine Host has been at a geographic location he's never before been to.  Attempts to log in to blogger are met with:

[Looks like you are attempting to log in from an unusual location]
[Please type in the name of the city where you usually log in]

Fine.  A security measure, in case some russian hacker in vlottastock or somewhere has obtained username & password.

So Mine Host types in the name of the town where he usually logs in.

However the really excellent blogger software stated that Mine Host had entered the wrong town.

Mine Host is many things, but he is aware enough to know which town he is in.  However to satisfy the gods of blogger he enters every town where he has logged in to this blog.

Nothing worked, all were the wrong town.

To cut a long story short, login attempts were refused until just now Mine Host typed in the name of a distant city, the same distance from him as Cairns is from Melbourne.

Bingo!  Blogger recognised it as the usual location.

No it isn't you university educated morons.  It is merely the city where his ISP stores many of their servers.  There is no reason for any person to imagine that this place is being logged as the "city where you usually log in".

To repeat:  These blogger security people not only went to university, they passed their exams!

Video Evidence

After a few months on the payroll at the Wayside Tavern, Gertrude Frump presented with a medical certificate, saying she had sustained a back injury at work, and would be unfit for any duties until such time as the second coming occurred.

In her claim she made much of the "injury" that happened to her "at work", and of how she could now barely bend over, was unable to perform even basic household tasks, blah blah blah.

Workcover phoned to:
1/. Request paperwork on her rate of pay, etc.
2/. Request any other information regarding the "injury".

Mine Host assured Workcover he'd forward payroll details, and mentioned that the claim was bogus.....
..... the security camera footage of the hours and days subsequent to the "injury" did not show any sign of a back injury.
...... she was shown for the several hours after the "injury" leaping about like a young gazelle, handling heavy loads, etc. until her shift ended.
......a few days later she helped carry an entire lounge suite up the back stairs of the Wayside Tavern.  This took more than an hour, and was heavy lifting the entire time.

Thus Mine Host offered to make copies of all this damning CCTV evidence, and forward it to Workcover.

The young lady from Workcover said guardedly that they "like to see these sort of things", as it was of invaluable assistance in uncovering bogus claims.

Several CDs containing 6 hours of very damning video files were posted to Workcover.

Several days later, having heard nothing from Workcover, and with curiosity consuming him, Mine Host telephoned the young lady.

The Workcover inspector lady at first had no recollection of who Mine Host was, or to what he was referring.

When it became clear that Mine Host was not going to be put off, and was wanting to know what Workcover inspectors thought of the video footage, she remembered the case, and the video files.

In a heated and antagonistic tone of voice she curtly barked at Mine Host:

"That video supports her claim!"


**********************

Gertrude Frump, due to being "unable to perform even the simplest household tasks, because of her work injury", was on full worker's compensation for 6 months.

During that time she left her husband of 20 years, spending the 6 months living in a house shared by several single tradesmen.  She did all the housekeeping and cooking for them in return for a free room, bed with whichever housemate she chose, and payment in cash.

Volunteer Plumber

Vandalism to the premises by members of the public is a never ending battle for publicans.
This criminal activity is usually conducted out of public view.   In these times of security cameras, vandalism is mostly inside the toilets, where not only are there no security cameras, but a little bit of personal privacy is granted.

A common activity is to smash a beer glass into a toilet bowl, then defecate copiously upon it, creating a nasty & very septic booby trap for the cleaning staff, as the only way to clean this is painstakingly, by hand.

There is a very special place in the heart of all Wayside Tavern staff for the anonymous ghosts who perform such acts, as we've all had a go at cleaning up these types of mess.

However, sanctimonious refusal to allow security cameras anywhere near the toilets is a two-edged sword!

On a certain evening one of the guards, patrolling the gents toilets, happens to interrupt a male person in an act of vandalism.  The guard advises the event via two-way radio.

Mine Host & two more guards attend post-haste.  There is a lot of pent-up vengeance being brought to this incident.

The male person is being detained by the guard who caught him.

The offender had ripped open the supposedly man-proof cistern cover, reefed a handful of pipes from the cistern, twisted them, dropped them into the toilet bowl, then defecated upon them.

The vandalised plumbing is still in situ.

The three guards subtley edge closer to the male.  Well aware of the precariousness of his situation, the offender is visibly shaking with fear.
There are no cameras in here, no witnesses, and no cops.

The guards advise the male person that he will remove, with his bare hands, the damaged plumbing from the toilet bowl, sanitize it, repair it and fit it from whence it came, then clean out the toilet bowl.

The offender states that he's "Not putting [his] hands in there!"

In a realistic tone of voice, the guards state that unless he does, they'll thrash him to within an inch of his life.  The menace in the air is palpable.

The guards don't much mind which way it goes.  They've had their turns at cleaning up after animals like this.

The offender realises from the look in the eyes of the guards that whichever of the guards who hits him first will punch him on the point of the nose, but be aiming for the back of his head.

... for those who haven't been around violence, this does not mean that he'll be hit from behind.....

The offender turns white, and shaking with fear, proceeds to do as ordered.  The supervision is most intense!

After the repairs are complete, the offender is removed most forcefully from the premises and advised to never return.

So continues life behind the bar.

Commercial Awareness

There are some things to not do at a job interview.

Some examples:

• Wear sunglasses pushed up on top of the head.
• Dress casually.
• Overtly display necklaces/gold chains.
• Say stupid things.

Recently an applicant for a senior role remarked in conversation that were he as "rich" as Gina Rinehart, he'd use the money for "good" instead of being "greedy and wanting more".

This automatically vetoed his job application.

That Reason: It demonstrates lack of commercial awareness.

The Wayside Tavern is a commercial enterprise.

The Wayside Tavern is self funding.

The very minute the Wayside Tavern stops making a profit, it ceases to exist.

The very minute the Wayside Tavern stops making a profit, every member of the staff loses their job.

Thinking of money as something to give away, is fine for someone on the dole, in the armed forces, in the church, etc., but not in a commerical business!

Almost every business in the land (almost certainly this includes Gina Rinehart) is mortgaged or otherwise beholden to lenders.

If a business is valued at (say) ten million dollars, it does not mean the owner has the option of converting it all into $10,000,000 in banknotes tomorrow morning, putting it under a mattress, and spending it on beer, snacks, dancing girls or perhaps giving $10,000,000 to the needy.

A business is a treadmill, demanding inordinate amounts of the owner's time, without regard to a social calendar.

A business valued at (say) ten million dollars has two options:

Stop trading, in which case there'll be not much left after the fire sale, and the owner will quite likely have to get a job.

Pursue profit, in the hope of keeping one's head above water (financially).

This latter is a constant battle.

In a key role, in a commerical enterprise, there is no room for someone who is not commercially aware!

Heck, this bloke probably believes that all that money in the cash register in Grace Bros. is "pure profit - cash in hand, not bad work if you can get it?"

Noisy Street March in the City

In the big smoke on business yesterday, Mine Host (and everybody else in the CBD) couldn't help but hear a noisy mob on the street below.

Windows were popping open everywhere, as people strived for a better view of the unfolding event below. Police were at the scene.

Yep! Sailors of the R.A.N. marching to a brass band, through the streets of central Cairns!

A similar event happened yesterday in Sydney, but a vastly different mob, with a vastly different outcome, and a vastly different level of public support. As reported by Boy on a Bike.

Going Viral

One could post about the advisability of clicking on the wrong part of an unsavoury website, or the benefits of keeping one's anti-virus up to date......

..... but it is when all your auto-storage of passwords is consigned to history that the full impact of losing one's usual computer hits home.

One could post on the joys & hardships of trying every password combination possible, only to be locked out of websites by this message: Account suspended due to too many password attempts.

... Mine Host has now winched up a bucket of water from the memory well, and has drunk the elixir contained therein. All passwords are now stored in the super safe location of an A4 page blu-tacked to his office wall, in a word document in every computer, on a card carried in his briefcase, inside his suitcase, and just about everywhere else except tattooed upside down on his tummy.

Regular posting will now resume.....

How to Withdraw a Job Application

On the phone to a shortlisted applicant for an executive level position, Mine Host apologises for being a couple of days returning the call. He offers one of the most well-used cover stories there is: "I've been a bit tied up with a few contracts".
Translation: "I don't have to explain myself to you, and I won't be"

"Are you some sort of Gina Rinehart type?" asks the applicant.

Mine Host laughingly states that there are "many differences" between him & the minerals magnate Gina Rinehart.

The candidate then kills their application:

"Glad to hear you're different to her. I just don't understand her greed. If I had that much money, I'd be using it to help people, rather than being greedy with it!"

That did it, Mine Host is many things, however he is not silly enough to let someone with such a mindset to get anywhere near his rice bowl.

How can anyone with that attitude expect to be hired for a job that requires them to do some actual thinking?

UPDATE: There have been a few emails from distant acquaintances, (who it should be noted, aren't in executive level positions) expressing puzzlement at "what is wrong" with the above statement by the job candidate.

For the information of those who are fortunate enough to have not faced the bailiff, the receiver, or had a "no coffee no biscuit" interview with the bank, and thus perhaps have not had economic reality enforced on them, tomorrow's post shall bring enlightenment!

Kafka in Qld

It is after closing time. The customers are all off the premises, only staff remain.

At the exit from the premises, a few staff & some police chat idly, watching the the crowd disperse.

Twenty minutes elapse.

A woman approaches from out of view further along the street, reaches into her handbag and removes a bottle of liquor and takes a swig.

A police officer writes her a ticket for drinking in public. He seizes then destroys the alcohol.

The police officer then walks over to the nearest member of Wayside Tavern staff, and with the words "I'm sorry mate, but I have to do this" writes the staff member a ticket for $600 for "Allowing liquor to be removed from the premises after hours."

The staff member is struck dumb, he's spent the past 20 minutes chatting to the police officer. In that time they haven't seen this woman, she's just walked along the street from somewhere else.

All of this is supported by the Wayside Tavern CCTV.

The staff member has a choice:
1/. Pay the $600 personally, or
2/. Challenge the fine in court, at a cost of say $5,000. (If he wins he will be unable to claim any costs.)

This is not a typical example of what can happen to individuals under the provisions of the Queensland Liquor Act.

It is an actual example.

This type of thing happens several times every year.

The Billy Goat Gene

A challenge for anyone who fancies putting together a really complex venn diagram:

Make one of which elected ALP politicians have rooted which other ones. A very large sub-group would be those who have walked out on a spouse in favour of rooting a fellow elected ALP parliamentarian.

The urge to seemingly root anything that moves, without regard to any sense of propriety, seems to be limited to that one political party. (The sub-group of elected ALP parliamentarians who have been convicted of having sexual intercourse with children won't be the smallest group in the venn diagram project - just saying)

Wonder what causes it? And why no other party has the same scale of ...er.. compulsion the ALP does?

Cops are Fair

Scene: Regular meeting between liquor licencees & police, to discuss bad behaviour by the general public.

Dominant comment by officer in charge of police:
"The town will get out of hand unless we stop bad behaviour, and stop it now! I want to see you licencees showing "zero tolerance" for bad behaviour. Don't allow any bad behaviour. From now on police will not be tolerating bad behaviour from anyone!"

The officer in charge then swivels his head, giving all of us the "fish-eye" stare that afflicts cops. He is implying that we publicans are soft on bad behaviour, with resulting flow-on effect giving the town a public disorder problem.

**** ****** *****

Three days later:

Scene: Telephone call to the police station.

Mine Host: "Someone's just come past on the street and smashed a security grill and a window.
The whole event was captured by our street cameras, it is brilliant footage and very clearly shows who he is. We'll make a copy of the CCTV & bring it over to you so he can be charged!"

Police: "Er.... this happened tonight? ..... He's gone home now?.....Um... are you making an insurance claim?...... You're not?..... Er... then do you really need to bring us a copy of your CCTV?..... This sort of thing happens all the time... It is no big deal... It is only a smashed window... ....What do you want us to do about this?.... "

Channel 10 - Back on the Air!

A couple of weeks ago TV station Channel 10 commenced broadcasting for the first time since sometime in March (a break of about 5 months.)

... or so it would seem to anyone frequenting the Wayside Tavern!

In March Channel 10 was tuned out of every television set at the Wayside Tavern (all 110 of 'em) This isn't difficult, just one tweak at the master control.

For in March the host & hostess of a mid-morning TV show on Channel 10 made belittling & nasty comments about a Victoria Cross recipient.

These comments were made on air.

Channel 10 is free to air what they wish.
Mine Host is free to boycott any channel he wishes. And so he did.

A couple of weeks ago the airhead themed morning TV show was cancelled.
Thus Channel 10 is now back on the air at the Wayside Tavern!

In public circumstances (such as a TV appearance) a VC recipient is representative of all who have served, and of all who fell.

To publicly denigrate, belittle, and show disdain to a VC recipient, (going about quiet enjoyment of his life) is extremely offensive.

One of the two philistines, George Negus, is an experienced foreign correspondent & television journalist, with decades of reporting behind him.

He knew better. He has no excuse. He deserves to be shunned from polite society. That is, whenever he appears in public, or private, all should turn their backs to him. (Similar to when military cadets "shun" one of their own for a breach of honour).

The hostess, lacking Negus' worldly experience & perhaps not as capable of meeting the challenge of understanding the discretions & norms of wider society, still should have known better.

Confronted with community & viewer ire (on a grand scale) and with sponsors withdrawing cash from the programme, they each gave a Claytons apology.

They then went on to make some incredibly stupid statements. All of which indicated a total & complete tin ear for the sentiments of decent society. Example: They claimed to be "anti-war", as if that implies a free pass to insult & sneer at the memory of war dead.

Columnist Andrew Bolt (a Channel 10 presenter, whose own show hasn't been seen at the Wayside Tavern during Channel 10's blackout) made possibly the stupidist excuse for them Mine Host has ever read:

Mr. Bolt, who is himself apt to make contentious comments at times, but always conducts himself as a gentleman, does himself no credit by saying that morning TV is a difficult gig, and saying nasty stuff is okay, as it can be "very difficult to think of things to say to fill the hour".

Bunkum! When faced with air time to fill, one is not compelled to say horribly nasty things about people.

The remarks in question were not said in isolation. The hostess, whose media career has rightly disappeared *poof*, did not just suddenly decide out of the blue to say nasty stuff about a national hero.

This sort of comment is built up over time. It was something she was comfortable saying.

In all the months (before spontaneously airing it) the remark was germinating in her psyche, at all the gatherings it (or similar) was aired, to all the people in her social & work circles who conversed with her, not one of them had seen fit to pull her up or correct her.

This speaks volumes.

Credit...!!

"..and how will you be establishing credit with us sir?"

So spoke the receptionist handling Mine Host's check-in to a fancy hostelry in USA.

First impressions are meaningful. Sometimes a first impression is too bad to recover from.

Mine Host's nostrils flared. Never would he dare to speak to a client with such phraseology. Offended, nay borderline riled, Mine Host presents his credit card, vowing to not spend one brass razoo at this hotel beyond the room charge. Extending the stay? Not a hope, buddy!

The receptionist, with that one abrasive phrase, has guillotined any chance of Mine Host raiding the mini-bar, dining in-house, or using the telephone.

In a case of most unfortunate timing, Mine Host had spent the previous hour regaling his travelling companion with tales of how the American hotel industry is a world leader in how they handle matters at reception.

First impressions count.

It speaks volumes for the hospitality of the people & positive atmosphere of the nation, that most anyone who has visited the USA is actually able to recover from the first impression that is dished out by the immigration officer at passport control.

Using the scientific sample size of every border crossing he has ever made into the USA, Mine Host authoritavely states that commnist countries, with all the frigid baleful glares they could muster up for a representative of a "non-fraternal" nation, were never as unwelcoming as is the typical immigration officer with which one is confronted when entering the USA.

For a contrasting and very positive first impression, visit New Zealand, which has possibly the world's most friendly & disarming passport control officers.

First impressions count. One enters New Zealand feeling positively buoyant!