Saturday, February 14, 2015

Election Gaffe #2

Era:  Current, during the recent Queensland state election campaign.
Scene:  Driveway of the Wayside Tavern.
Cast: Driveway staff, driveway customers.

Couple of cars in the driveway, occupants being served by driveway staff.  Few people & miscellaneous off duty staff lounging about.

Unknown member of the public walks up, dressed in over the top Squattocracy themed clobber (the sort of ridiculous stuff that only TV soap operas could possibly imagine Australian graziers actually dress in)

The enigmatically dressed stranger speaks;
"Hi" (not a good word, gay overtones, could lead to a beating)
"I'm Rupert Poonceton, the LNP candidate for the electorate of Dilligaf  "
(This doesn't mean much, except to Mine Host, as due to the inspired Australian naming system, most electorates have a name that has little or no geographic or historical connection to the electorate - The seat may as well be called "Robert Redford", as the name has no local recognition)

Just then a young bloke drives up in a Toyota (meaning a landcruiser 4wd with a flat tray back)
The vehicle reeks a little, but this is nothing to remark upon, work vehicles occasionally have somewhat of a pungent tang to them.

As the cheerful young driver alights, the prospective member for Dilligaf introduces himself in his signature metrosexual fashion, then wrinkles his nose and speaks:
"I say fellow, yonder conveyance is giving off a most pungent odour, what is it that assaults so my olfactory senses in such a malign fashion?"  (perhaps not quite his wording, but very much how he sounded)

Not the actual vehicle or driver referred to in this post.
"Pig's blood mate!  Shot a coupla porkers yestaddy 'n' 'avven got around to hosin' 'er orf yet.  She's been in the sun all day, bittuva stench, but I'll give 'er a good slosh with the hose when I get 'ome 'n' she'll be apples!"

"Er... are you certain that vehicle is entirely sanitary?  Should you be allowed to drive around in it with unwashed blood on the back?"  Spoke the candidate, exhibiting clueless political judgement.

That last sentence cost him probably Twenty votes.  You could feel the votes hitting the ground.

With this the hopeful candidate flounced off, probably to locate a health inspector or somesuch to demand that an infringement notice be issued to the young feller driving the unwashed and stenching Toyota.

The really peculiar part?
The hopeful candidate was raised in the district, yet has spent so many years away as a political advisor to the National Party, with the result that he is now totally disconnected from his root culture.

A deeper message is contained in this post.  It is a real life parable on the advisability of allowing political staffers to be preselected for seats in parliament.