Ropes were Invented for This

Armed Robbery in progress at a Queensland pub. An attending policeman is shot in the face with a shotgun.
This is the sort of crime for which ropes were invented.

Three suspects are banged up the next day. It is not known how many more were involved.
The three, if they are guilty, won't receive anything like what they deserve; for Madame Hemp no longer reigns supreme in today's watered down legal system. (Having experience with the Qld judiciary, and with Qld's Crown Law, Mine Host is no longer comfortable with the term "justice").

Mine Host has always been very aware of just how many Pubs in the state are knocked off at closing time. In his first year in the industry it was 92 (for the year before). From the moment he gleaned this statistic Mine Host has had little sympathy for the bleatings of the Bank Employees' union, & their input. For they are not the ones at risk. It the working stiffs in pubs & service stations who have to face armed robbers.

And we are the people the government has disarmed. Robbers have acute risk analysis skills. If they stand a chance of being shot dead on a job, they cry off.
Pre-1996 gun laws, there was a chance that a pub had a shotgun under the counter. There was a stronger chance that some of the customers had a rifle in their Toyota. (Indeed, one of the staff was once saved by exactly that).

Now that Australia has universal strict gun laws, under which legal ownership of a gun isn't easy, and any publican caught with a firearm would be risking his licence to operate. Robbers know this. Not being restricted by the law, they are free to own all the firearms they wish.
Armed robberies at pubs are now a regular feature in the news.

The world is nowhere near as safe, neither for pub staff, nor those who come to their rescue. And someone has died because of it.

Fast Worker

New chef is a bit of a bad boy. Not remotely the type one would want their daughter anywhere near.
With his first couple of pay packets under his belt, he became quite jumpy, wanting a few days off to "settle a few things".
Unless Mine Host misses his guess, New Chef had to settle a few debts of such a nature that they were better settled while his limbs were still intact.

Returning much happier after his week away, he was standing in a small group near to the cocktail bar. A not unpresentable blonde lady approaching the bar stopped to wait her turn to talk to one of the group.
As she waited New Chef asked her would she like a drink?
"No, not interested in drinking tonight" she said.
Without missing a beat he enquired/stated: "Well, let's go somewhere then".

So they left. Together.

But it's still better than Workchoices... Rite?

It may be the case that Mine Host is having to spring for $66,400 per year to put an attendant his is driveway.

However, due to provisions of the groovy new "Fair Work" Act (supposedly Better than the "Workchoices" it replaced) the Swinging Arms, on the same town block, only has to cough for circa $55,000 for exactly the same job, working exactly the same hours.

Both the Wayside Tavern & the Swinging Arms are fully compliant with the Fair Work Act. Both have exactly the same Liquor Licence, the same trading hours, operate under the exact same section of the exact same award. Both have the exact same ownership structure.

On certain days, Mine Host has to pay almost double the pay as does the Swinging Arms.

This is a stark example of how ill thought out & hasty is the "Fair Work" Act.

Nope, No Inflation here

$66,400 (Sixty Six Thousand and Four Hundred Dollars)

This is the minimum cost under the current award of a pub Driveway Attendant. ("Driveway Attendant" is the groovy new official name for what is known in the vernacular as a "Bottleshop Boy")
Bottleshop Boy is the most unskilled & low paid job in a pub.
Bar staff cost more.

Does anyone think I am doing anything but looking over the staff roster with a beady eye?
Does anyone think that this sort of minimum cost for unskilled labour (usually the job is filled by lads who've just left school) is not going to lead to some serious introspection on Sunday & late trading?

No wonder half the restaurants in the nation were unable to pay the new penalty rates, and instead closed for the whole week over Easter.

The new "Fair Work" Act is not going to lead to unskilled & shift workers being paid more, it is going to lead to those who need it most not having a casual or other job.

Oh, and the country will be a wasteland of closed shopfronts after 5pm, and on weekends.

In that Case, Get an Earful of This!

A memorable ending for a phone to the bank.

The identity of this bank shall be concealed by using the unbreakable code name of - say - ZNA Bank.

For a bit of background, ZNA Bank has been strictly observing banking rules (& etc) with Mine Host. They have been refusing to allow depositing of cheques made out to "Wayside Motel" on the basis that the account is in the name of "Wayside Hotel" (sweet smile: "You'll just have to contact the drawer sir, & get them to reissue a cheque in the correct name") & other such infuriating conduct.

Then Mine Host discovers that ZNA has been taking orders for chequebooks (on one of his accounts) from members of his staff, who are not signatories to that account. These non-signatories then wrote a pile of cheques, all of which were honoured by ZNA Bank.

Mine Host is relishing the forthcoming "Please Explain" meeting he will be having with the branch manager.

For those unfamiliar with the twists of modern banking, (".. to better serve your financial needs"), it is not that they honoured cheques without verifying the signature that will embarrass the bank, but the issuing of chequebooks to non-signatories.
That they have been honouring cheques written with an invalid signature will not cause the bank to bat an eyelid. In our improved modern banking system this is the problem of the account holder.

With this bit of background in mind, one can imagine Mine Host's distress when the transaction banking helpdesk refused to discuss anything with him. For he was unable to satisfy the bank's security requirements & the operator was "unable to confirm identity".

It would seem the security procedures for mere phone conversation with the bank are considerably tighter than those required to have a chequebook printed & handed over.

Mine Host, by now experiencing a transitional mood, expounded down the phone on the subject of security procedures as they applied to telephone conversations or chequebook possession. During this delivery of opinion he may have used the "BS" word to describe the actions of ZNA Bank.

The operator then got all indignant & prissy, as if it was Mine Host and not the bank who was out of order, and in a stern tone of voice informed Mine Host that if he persisted with "language like that" she would terminate the call.

Mine Host reflected briefly on this.
The bank was refusing to talk to him, thus the call was going nowhere anyway,
The bank had sins aplenty,
The operator would not tolerate any "further" bad language,
The operator had stated emphatically that it was impossible to identify the caller,

Mine Host then gave her very good reason to terminate the call.

Get a Mouthful of This!

There is no warning, clue, or anything one can do about some incidents. Occassionally they just come out of nowhere. Just like the incident in the previous post, a recent event could not have been predicted or forestalled.

Busy night, crowded dance floor. An early-20's female is suddenly punched hard, fast, and with impact, full in the face, by the male she is dancing with.

The girl is caucasian, the male one of those black african refugee types that have been turning up in this country over the past few years.

The girl is sent flying. A proper punch full in the face, with all his weight behind it, is going leave her at the very least with a swollen face & quite a shiner for a week or so.

The crowd erupts in righteous anger. The male makes a bolt for it. The crowd follows. A half-dozen or so caucasian males really mean business, and they are at the head of a much larger pack.

The male of african origin reaches his car, opens a door & withdraws a handy wheel spanner (as you do). Not a cross-brace, but one with a socket at one end & a 30-degree elbow in it.

Cossetted middle class readers, unaccustomed to unrestrained violence, are advised to stop reading here.

With all the force he can muster the african male swings the wheel spanner as hard as he can at the nearest attacker. He has a lot to lose & isn't holding back, conceivably his life is at stake. For effectiveness it isn't much different to swinging a golf club. The sound of the impact is dreadful, the white fellow's cheek is split to the bone, his nose is puree, blood is everywhere, the cheekbone is almost certainly broken. The white fellow wouldn't know much after that, his head would be ringing & numb, time will have stopped. (Unrestrained violence is very confronting). The african puts just as much force into the backswing, collecting the white fellow full on the opposite side of the face, but lower. The jaw/mouth/cheek are almost certainly cracked, several teeth will be smashed to splinters, the skin this time shredded on the chips of tooth. There is already too much blood for a proper visual evaluation of the damage.

The crowd are hurling objects, at this point the african's car is taking heavy damage, and is going to cost a lot to fix.

The police arrive, arrest the african. The ambulance arrives, loads the white feller. After they go the crowd reloads with rocks bricks etc, destroy the african's car. The only salvageable parts are now the chassis, motor & drivetrain.

As is so often the case in such incidents, the police have made a snap visual assessment upon arrival, and have probably arrested the wrong person. Though being arrested was probably the safest thing that could have happened to the african.

With the addition of one more factor, that just before being punched the female had kicked the male quite hard on the shin, there are enough clues in the above for anyone with even a passing knowledge human nature/behaviour to know that had the female on the dance floor had a brain and an instinct for self-preservation, none this would have happened.
Mine Host, were it up to him, would have charged her and let everybody else go home.

You won't be so Pretty

The rules as laid down by the Police: "It's your pub, what happens is your problem. Don't call us unless a weapon is used. All the rest of it you'll have to sort out yourself"

A familiar state of affairs.

The usual rough & tumble is easily handled. The pub is crowded with construction workers, mostly tradesmen or labourers. A boomtown pub packed with such types isn't much trouble, as it is peppered with able men just itching for something, anything, to start so they can get stuck in.

In such circumstances most are too wary to start anything.

In a crowded bar one night Mine Host is faced with an unsavoury dilemma.

Somehow he detects through the crowd & the music that something is amiss at the bar. Wending his way through the throng he sees Two of the male staff standing well back from a patron who is breasting the bar.

If ever there was a moment to be frozen in horror, this was it.

The patron, Johnno, with his left hand had one of the barmaids by the shirtfront, pulling her forward over the bar. In his right is a butcher's knife, honed down until the blade isn't much larger than his index finger. It is razor sharp & held to her cheek.

Johnno is a volatile, unstable & dangerous personality at the best of times, tonight he is mixing alcohol with his drugs. He is too far "gone" to talk to. He is a painter & extremely physically fit.

The barmaid is very pretty, with a lovely porcelain "china doll" face. Johnno is saying that if "anyone does anything" he'll slice her face to the bone several times.

A most unpleasant standoff ensues. In the circumstances none of the men mind copping a few slashes, our looks can take a couple of battle scars, but a very pretty girl is a different matter.

Eventually Johnno is talked to by the bar manager, who convinces Johnno that his (drug imagined) troubles weren't caused by the girl, and that "everybody understands" his situation, & nobody minds if he goes outside for a while to think it over.

He does just this, surprisingly he gives the honed down butcher's knife to the bar manager.

It has been the longest several minutes of everybody's life.

The police don't want to listen to the phone call, talking over the top & saying that "trouble in the pub is the pub's problem"

Mine Host strides accross to the Police Station. (At the time it was open at night) The Sgt behind the desk leans back in his chair, puts his arms out in front & talks loudly over the top of Mine Host. "You were told to not bring anything to us unless a weapon was involved, we don't want to know about your little scuffles" (etc etc etc)

When the message finally soaks in (water dripping through limestone would have been swifter) the Sgt becomes most businesslike.

"A razor-sharp concealed knife? Why didn't you say so?"

Within 10 minutes a police car has picked up Johnno from the streets of the town. On his person were Two more similar honed down to index finger sized razor sharp butcher's knives.

How'd you go with him Mate?

Closing time. The crowd is dispersing onto the street.
One fellow, Ron Moore, speaks loudly to another, Witt Complete, bluntly & coarsely putting it that he, Ron, has had intimate experiences with Witt's girlfriend.

Witt has some illegal drug in his system that is reacting badly to alcohol. This gives him a hair trigger & a firm belief in his own invincibility. It wouldn't have mattered what Ron said to him, "hello" would have been sufficient to trigger a violent reaction.

Witt has to be restrained by the guards. Ron is some distance away, talking to a friend & now that he goaded someone for sport, has no further interest in the matter.

A female approaches Witt, urging him to calm down & come home. She is the lady whose repute has been called into question and promises Witt a "good time" if he comes straight home without making any trouble. Hearing this exchange, Ron looks around, takes one look at her & announces that he has made a mistake, that it is someone else's girlfriend that he has been seeing on the sly.

Of course Witt is not soothed one bit by this, the drugs and a sense of outrage tell him to attack Ron. He starts with some verbal abuse. While the guards continue to restrain him this is his only weapon

The name calling & threats continue for a few minutes, eventually the guards release Witt. By this time Ron is sick of the insults, struts over to Witt, cleans him up in a brief flurry of blows, then decks him. It the starkest mismatch Mine Host has seen for quite some time.

Ron then casually departs the scene, disappearing around the corner with a friend. Witt demands to be allowed to go after him. The guards restrain him, but soon tire of saving him from himself.

Mine Host takes the view that Witt is of the age of majority, that the Wayside Tavern is not responsible for the drugs Witt has taken, and besides we are all sick of him by this point. So the guards leave him alone.

Witt beelines for the corner where Ron went.

Mine Host strolls to the other end of the block, in time to see Ron strolling along with his friend, neither with a care in the world.

A glance back along the street shows a crumpled form in the shadows on the footpath. Witt's friends are standing over him, trying to urge him back to consciousness so they don't have to carry him home.

So continues life behind the bar.

State of Distress

A Friday night. Another night of bopping & jiving at the Wayside Tavern. A young lady emerges from the crowd & informs staff that she has been molested (or somesuch).

To speed up the process of getting justice, she uses her mobile phone to call the police herself. Once connected she makes her complaint to the police. In response to a question from the officer on the line, she says:
"Oh, I'm still inside the Wayside Tavern, having a few drinks & so on"
..... ......
"I'm at the bar right now, but by the time you get here I'll probably be out on the dance floor, this music is too good to waste!"

One can guess how fast the police arrived. Come to think of it, they probably didn't arrive at all until their routine closing time visit.

So continues life behind the bar.

H2O

It takes only the smallest touch to transform the most mundane into something that will cause patrons to gasp, exclaim, and take photographs. This is a glass of water as we present it.

Useful Correspondence

Lobbing into Mine Host's inbox this week was a message from the AAA (his industry association, the Accommodation Association of Australia informing which member properties (these were all large chains) would be observing "Earth Hour" this coming Saturday night.

"Earth Hour" is apparently some sort of urban lets-reduce-pollution tokenism, during which the electricity is switched off for an hour or so to (very) faux-simulate what life is like without electricity.

For the most superficial of tokenists, only the lights are switched off (earth hour wouldn't be near the fun without air conditioning & chilled white wine would it?).

Mine Host lived the first part of his life in a tent in the bush, & did not experience the "proper white man magic" of over-the-horizon electricity (i.e. the variety that comes silently from a wire, instead of the noisy variety you make at home yourself) until he was 13 years old.

Furthermore a good chunk of his working life (& childhood) was spent in stock camps or on stock routes, with no electricity. Lighting came from carbide lights, or the campfire. Refrigeration wasn't possible (for cooks, quite a challenge in the torrid/tropical zones).

Thus for Mine Host "Earth Hour" lacks resonance. He is with perfect clarity able to recall life sans electricity. He has no need to switch off light bulbs & instead use smoky candles (N.B. lights off, candles on, reduces pollution?)

Preferring the lift to stairs, ice in his whisky rather than lukewarm water, and to not bark his shins stumbling into pot plants in the dark, Mine Host fired back an email to the AAA, thanking them for the list of properties to not book into this weekend.

Drink it or Harvest it?

People drink all sorts of things once they are in a 5-star restaurant!

While you wait, Mmmmm!

Having drinks in the bar after ordering your meal?
The Chef often sends a little something in for your group to sample in the meantime. As a thank-you.
(Some glasses were encroaching on this photo. Mine Host's editing skills could do with some improvement.)

Mmmmm Breakfast!!

Prodded by the perceived need for some more photo posts, and at the risk of making the Wayside Tavern seem too flash, some photo posts of the grog & tucker will be appearing.

Breakfast is available at the Wayside Tavern from 5.00 a.m. until 11.00 a.m./noon:

The menu choice for breakfast is extensive, and with some adroit ordering it is even possible to have a cooked breakfast without eggs.

(photographing food is a skill, Mine Host believes he does not have this skill. Kim Ong this is your hint to provide lessons)

Have Cake & Eat it Too.

A recent applicant for an apprentice management (restaurant supervisor) position was most eager when telephoned by Mine Host.
Working in the Pilbara, the applicant was a chef, keen to learn new skills & "move into management" (Gee, don't we hear that a lot!)

The job ad clearly listed the salary offered, the duties, & the location.
The applicant was fine with all of this, as he was "sick of" the Pilbara (no trees & very hot) & was looking forward to a coastal Qld location.

So Mine Host emailed a letter of offer, which pretty much matched the job advertisment.

The candidate immediately replied that "your offer does not interest me".

Struggling with this sudden reversal, Mine Host immediately telephoned and enquired why was this?

"I am getting $95,000 per year as a chef in the Pilbara, while your offer is $45,000 so it doesn't interest me."

Biting his tongue Mine Host politely thanked the applicant & ended the call.

For heaven's sake! The salary was in the headline of the job ad.

He expects $95,000 per year + full keep + 8 weeks holiday? (His current package) in an apprentice position for which he doesn't have the skill set? He expects Hardship & Remote Area pay for the Qld coast?

Mine Host's forecast: The fellow will be a chef in the Pilbara for a long time. He's less than 10 years off retirement, so may never again work elsewhere.

Snitching on your Clients

Epic floods in January disrupted much of the state.

A Six-Monthly inspection of the fire extinguishers in the Wayside Tavern occurs every January & July. This is performed by a company named, known here by the uncrackable code name of say, Hubbc.

Due to the scale of disruption wrought by flood, the January Fire Extinguisher inspection did not happen.

In February the Fire Brigade notified 7 days in advance (as they are legally bound to do) that a "Fire Safety Inspection" of the Wayside Tavern would be conducted.

It was at this point that the assistant manager noticed that the fire extinguishers hadn't had their 6-monthly "tagging" done.

A phone call to Hubbc, who said they'd been flood damaged & unable to conduct a lot of their January inspections on time, but they were working frantically to catch up. The day before the scheduled Fire Safety Inspection they sent someone around to inspect & tag all the fire extinguishers.

At the appointed time the following day the Wayside Tavern was ready, all paperwork up to date, all fire extinguishers tagged (just in time), everybody waiting for the Fire Brigade.

The Fire Inspector never showed up.

Zero follow-up communication has been received from the Fire Brigade.

The Fire Safety Inspector is a clerical appointment. He has never fought a fire. He has never held a job in a proactive field, only ever in regulatory reactive fields, say writing tickets for non-compliance of Fire Regulations. He is no asset to the community.

He is from the same mould as parking inspectors.

And someone in Hubbc leaks to him.

It has started Again

Industrial Relations Laws took a retro step a year or so ago. The "Fair Work Act" was voted into being.

Mine Host is now experiencing his first "Unfair Dismissal" claim of the Orwellian-named Fair Work Act.

We'll see how things pan out. Both of Mine Host's experiences of being a victim under the previous Unfair Dismissal legislation were bitterly unfair experiences.

Mine Host at this moment appreciates how the mafia came into being. They filled an essential need.

Fashionable Lady

This photo of a lady from one of those overseas (foreign) countries is published here to contrast with a well dressed & alluring photo (her own press release, by golly) published on Musings, by Kae, one of the better weblogs read by Mine Host.

This other photo of the same lady is a split screen (Mine Host couldn't be bothered snipping the other half off). This mock-up poster is perhaps created by a supporter of the other (better dressed lady). She is actually the predecessor of the sloppily dressed one. Or perhaps it was created by a comedian (some public figures really leave themselves wide open to lampooning).

For a side bet, does anyone know if the better dressed lady ever allowed herself to appear in public looking & acting like a slob?

Nagoya, who'd you ever know in such a big City?

(Gratituous snapshot of Nagoya Castle - Proud of this photo, Mine Host had it blown up to poster size, printed on photographic paper & kept it on his wall for years.)

Dinner hour has come & gone. The bar is full of Japanese youth. A most unusual sight in these parts. They seem to be a group, led by a well built fit & burly Australian.

Mine Host engages the Australian in conversation, who reveals that the group is a Rugby Union tour, from a university in the city of Nagoya.

Conversation with the Australian coach/tour leader is peppered with bursts of Japanese language as the coach answers queries from team members, or gives running commentaries/explanations to the group at large.

It transpires the Australian is a lecturer at the university in Nagoya, has been there many years, & has made a life there.

Mine Host remembers Nagoya, scene of some of his youthful exploits. The Australian-teaching-at-uni-in-Nagoya is garrolous, cheerful, & good conversation, though Mine Host is tempted to mention his own visit to Nagoya.

... Particularly the most culturally memorable part. He visited (at the invitation of the Headmaster) to a private school, Shukutoku girls high school. The visit was accompanied by much surprised gasping by the students & staff.

Apparently boys never visit to Shukutoku. Mine Host has never been (before or since) the object of such unbridled curiosity, or treated as such an honoured guest.

A demonstration of baton twirling was bunged on, & a student detailed to escort Mine Host around the school.

Mine Host, who had never seen (before or since) an inner city school, marvelled at the dearth of open space, dirt (where do the girls play?) & the high rise buildings. The final photo is of the adjacent Shukutoku University.

Ahh... finally people who would be able to appreciate what it meant for a boy to enter a Private Girls School in Japan. ("So What? You visited a High School, is that supposed to impress someone?" is the response most Australians give)

However Mine Host did not regale the tale, fearing it would get some polite nods & feigned interest. Nagoya is a big city. The group finished their drinks & went to bed, their bus left early in the morning.

Two days later an article in the local paper caught Mine Host's eye:

Rugby Union team visits from Japan. Overnighting in town recently, from Nagoya in Japan, was the Rugby Union team of Shukutoku University......... (etc etc)

Some shall be More equal than others

It is reputed that guests, especially celebrity guests, are apt on occassion to make to their hotel some very unorthodox requests.

Mine Host had never encountered this.

Occassional celebrities stay, enough of them that it isn't a talking point. (i.e. there is no gushing of: "Guess who was staying in-house here & checked out just this morning.....?)

Politicians are even more regular. Many Ministers know Mine Host by first name, (nobody has ever asked Mine Host's surname)

Recently Mine Host experienced his first unusual request from a public figure:

Politicians of all levels & all stripes are regular guests of Mine Host's top class hostelry, guess which party (or side of politics) this one is.

The offspring of a professional politician, who at a young age inherited the seat (& fast track to ministry) from their parent.

Some ministerial staff will double or triple check booking arrangements. For higher level public figures protection teams will make advance visits to scout out the premises, for lower level protected politicians phone calls & floor plans suffice.

However for a simple short stay, the staff of this minister made countless phone calls, emails, faxes, etc. All seeking endless verbal reassurance of just the one request:

That due to the Minister's station in life & high rank, the minister must be accommodated in a room on a higher floor than the floor where accompanying staff are booked, and that the staff would be in rooms directly below the Minister's room.

George Orwell's "Animal Farm" has a chapter where the Pigs start walking on their hind legs only. Mine Host has a very clear mental image of this, formed in his childhood when he first read the novel. This image, complete with colour, motion & sound, replays in his head on endless loop whenever this particular Minister's name is heard.