Twit Twitters a Tweet

Copied below is a brief twitter exchange from earlier this week.  It is between two well known people and has attracted a minor amount of attention from the news media.

One quick read of it and the phrase "we've a couple of anti-gun crazies here" leaps into the head.
Several people have taken umbrage at Mine Host's assessment.  Some of them quite a deal of umbrage.
This has been somewhat puzzling.

Clearly both of these pundus are in the anti-firearm camp. But that is a side issue.
I've made inane banter with all who've brought it to my attention, believing they can see what I see.  However many remain cold, or even somewhat cross.  Perhaps some people are far more laymen when it comes to firearms that you'd imagine.

A thought popped into the head just now;
Am I the only one who can see the glaring error in the tweet?   (It is glaring to me).

Serious Breach

Any venue with a liquor licence must maintain a "Manager's Register."

This register must be available at all times for inspection by an officer of the Liquor Licencing Division (all police officers hold the office of "Liquor Inspector").

The register must show that at all times there is a licenced manager on duty.  (i.e. someone who holds a "Licenced Venue Manager's Licence" - sort of like a driver's licence).

For each manager the register shows:
Time started
Time finished
Licence no.
Name of manager
Signature.

The Wayside Tavern downloaded the register from the website of the Liquor Licencing Division.

On a certain evening a police officer from the (cough) specialist Liquor Enforcement section of Qld police called to inspect the register.

As a result of his inspection he issued a citation to the Wayside Tavern, reason: The register incorrectly formatted.

The specific breach:  The columns for print name and signature were separated by a single vertical line.

The citation stated that these columns must be demarcated by a double vertical line.

In case anyone missed it above:  The Wayside Tavern was using the Manager's Register downloaded from the website of the Liquor Licencing Division.

It should be noted here that nowhere in the Queensland Liquor Act is there any mention of what such a register should look like, or what information it must contain, the act merely mandates that a manager's register must be kept.

You couldn't make it up!

Premier Campbell Newman:  Keep-on-firing-them.

Clueless Partisanship

When Mine Host was a nipper in school, one dictionary that we were not allowed to use was the "Macquarie Dictionary".

The teachers would not allow it, for exactly the same reason we kids loved it:  It contained all the swearwords, obscenities, foul language plus any & all "rude" words.

Oxford was the only dictionary allowed, though Cambridge was not actively discouraged.  Webster was prohibited on the grounds of being being the anti-christ (as it should be - Mine Host is a John Quincy Adams supporter, and thus of the belief that Noah Webster should have been thrown down a well or something.)

But Noah Webster, even if incredibly misguided, was at least fair dinkum about language.  The teachers at school recognised his (misguided) efforts, but regarded the Macquarie Dictionary as nothing more than a sick joke.

Credible dictionaries are collaborative efforts by a large group of scholars.
The Macquarie dictionary has only ever had input from pretty much one person.  Ever.

This fact was not known when we were at school.  It became obvious several years later when the person who writes it made a series of television appearances, salaciously using foul language, right there on TV, without a thought for decorum or decency.

Mine Host, watching this, thought: that ain't a bad way to get out of being arrested for using foul language, or being hauled before some commission for swearing on TV; write yourself a dictionary, put all the obscenities into it, then strut around in public using those same words.

When the public was shocked by the language used, the author of this dictionary feigned ignorance, and cluelessly stated (paraphrased): "I didn't realise words such as Faaahk, Can't, & others were considered bad"

Being too clueless to realise some words are too foul for television, or decent society, is not what one should profess, not when one aspires to being an arbiter of the English language.

There are also significant differences between the Macquarie definition of many words, and the Oxford/Cambridge definition of those same words.  One can imagine Mine Host's distress upon arriving at a courthouse for a hearing, to discover that the Australian courts use the (choke) Macquarie dictionary as the final arbiter of a definition.  Oh-My-God!

Given the above mentioned public demonstrations of cluelessness by the author of that dictionary, Mine Host knew how reliable the Macquarie was going to be.

This brings us to the recent incident that brought reputational fallout to the Macquarie dictionary such that it likely will never recover any of the former gravitas it may once have held:


The Prime Minister used a word wrongly in parliament.  (Yep, the same Prime Minister who is a qualified lawyer, a profession that owes its very existence to the fact that words have meanings, didn't know the correct definition of a word!)

This caused the Prime Minister some embarrassment.

The author of the Macquarie Dictionary sprang into action, announced that the meaning of this word had "changed", thus the Prime Minister had been "correct".

This event had an air of rushing in to protect an ideological comrade, rather than an authentic attempt to codify our language.

So the committee (cough) of the Macquarie Dictionary had an extraordinary meeting to change the definition of this word, thus making the Prime Minister "right".

This sort of stuff used to happen in the Soviet Union.

It does not happen in free countries.

The pages of the Macquarie Dictionary are too small to use for dunny paper, but they are of just the right size to use for rolling cigarettes.

Do I look like a walking calculator?

One of the drinks in the bar at the Wayside Tavern is priced at $10 (Ten Dollars).

On a quiet afternoon, one of the regulars is in a school of four, and orders 4 (four) of this drink.

When the barmaid serves up the 4 (four) drinks [@$10 each] the customer asks what the total price will be.

The barmaid smiles sweetly and announces that she'll just have to "...go back to the cash register and check".

.... Back at the cash register she reads the total, looks up and cheerfully announces that "Four of those will cost...er.. $40".


So continues life behind the bar!

No Lifting....!

The Occupational Health and Safety officer mentioned in the previous post was a tad over-zealous when he mandated "4 points of contact" for anyone climbing a stair/ladder, but once he'd made the blunder he wasn't going to back off from it.

His aim was to make it impossible for anything to be carried up the ladder.

In his excitement at being able to make life hard for a business, he failed to notice his directive was actually impossible.

The purpose of the Wayside Tavern's ladder access to the loft was to carry stuff up, or to carry stuff down.

Combine this with the fact that the carrying/storage was for commercial purposes and he couldn't resist issuing a directive that would prevent use of the loft.....

.... For despite the his job title his main interest is not to improve safety, but to hamstring businesses.

Being too lazy/incompetent to write such a manual himself, he issued a directive that the Wayside Tavern was to write a procedure manual for climbing a ladder.

You couldn't make it up!

To Premier Campbell Newman:  Keep-on-firing-them!

Safer Workplace

A government inspector, from the "Office of Occupational Health & Safety" made a visit to the Wayside Tavern.

He was there to inspect an area in the back of house that had "been reported" as having an "unsafe" method of climbing into a loft.

The inspector assessed the ladder used to get to the loft and as it was simply a common step-ladder, declared it "unsafe".

The inspector issued a requisition that a new ladder be installed, this one to have "bannister rails" (would you believe?), and that the employer was to write up a formal "ladder climbing procedure" (to be signed by any/all staff before they climed this ladder).

Included in the procedure was to be the requirement that any person climbing this ladder must at all times maintain 4 (four) points of contact with the ladder.

.... Anyone wondering why the new state government is going to fire 20,000 public servants, will have part of the answer by reading the above.

Customer Confidentiality

One of the staff from the Wayside Tavern struts into the bank.
This person is often entrusted to carry a deposit to the bank and deposit it over the counter, and that is the full extent of their involvement with banking matters.
They are not a signatory or in any way authorised on any bank account belonging to the Wayside Tavern.

Upon fronting the counter this staff member enquires of the teller:

"Does my boss have any bank accounts that I don't know about?"

The teller gazes at their screen and taps some keys on their console.
"Yes, here's an account which you probably don't know about"

"I didn't know that particular account existed" says the staff member, looking at the screen, "I'd like to know what activity there has been on that account."

"There's actually a fair bit of activity" responds the teller, "in fact too much to tell you about.  The account also maintains a significant cash balance!"

The teller then prints statements for the year to date (nine months worth), and hands them over the counter.


***************

Clarification:  The major sin in this tale is by the bank.
The staff member's sin is most minor alongside that committed by the bank officer.

Did he really want the job?

An application for an executive level job progresses through the following stages:

• Emailed application from the applicant, including resume & cover letter.
• Return email & brief email exchange.
• A few telephone calls from Mine Host to applicant.
• Skype call.
• Face-to-face interview.

For an interview with a particular candidate, Mine Host travelled 1700km.  A not particularly long distance in the scheme of selecting key staff.

The candidate was bordering on 60 years of age. An ideal age for executive level applicants.

The candidate brought his sister into the interview.

Oh boy!

You want me to serve THAT?

This happens from time to time, happened again today:

 

Fresh bar staff on the payroll.

Is either new to bar work, or new to the sharp end of the bar trade.

 

Induction goes well, lots of enthusiasm, doesn't have to be told anything twice, actually understands why we do some things (as opposed to doing it "because the boss says so")

 

Then when presented with a real live blue collar customer, in a public bar, she spins around and barks indignantly:

 

"You want me to serve that....?"


 Crikey we lose some promising staff that way.

Union Air

Air France!
With a particularly unhappy dose of the flu, I boarded a flight that was to be of 15 hours duration.
My throat felt like razor blades.  I looked forward to a drink of water, which would have been a lifesaver!

It was 10 hours into the flight before a cabin crew came near to me, and grudgingly provided a drink of water.

I saw the cabin crew for the second time just before landing, when they distributed a "feedback on our cabin service" card, then whisked it away before I could fill it in.

Thus Air France will forever hold a special place on Mine Host's list of unhappy memories.

The only people to arrive rested were the cabin crew.  Their union is retarding that airline, & their national reputation (such as it may be, cough).

Bayonet Charge!

Overheard by one of the candidates during a presidential election debate:

"...we've... got less horses & bayonets nowdays..."   and:
"... submarines.... you know, those ships that go under the sea..."

There are many differences between the US Navy and ours (eg, the US Navy does not have a swimming test - if you can't do two laps of an olympic pool while fully clothed, it is no impediment to enlistment) however, if the informal rules on misuse of teminology are anything like the same, there are a whole lot of sailors right now seething that when they used the wrong word, they had to buy a 24-pack of beer for every man on the boat, while the clueless commander-in-chief gets off scot free!

And... is any reader with a source inside the US armed forces able to confirm the commander-in-chief's statement that bayonets are no longer issued at the ratio of one per grunt?

ABC hubris

Favourite moment of the ABC's tally room coverage of the recent Northern Territory election:

When it became clear that the ALP government had been voted out, a distraught Kerry O'Brien instructed (yep, instructed) a member of the new government, to not change any of the policies of the [defeated] ALP, because the voting pattern had indicated an affirmation of ALP policy.

You couldn't make it up!

Cash Burning Hole in Pocket!

In an undisclosed overseas country, Mine Host props up the bar, his only accompaniment a glass of champagne.

In the almost empty bar the late night conversation is between two foreign (western) women and the bartender (a local).

Mine Host cannot help but overhear the bartender talk to the two women of the sad tale of a proposal for a resort development by a foreign entrepreneuer.  A development that had been scotched from afar, by the national government acting under pressure from various groups.

The bartender's meaning:  A great opportunity lost for the people of his district, in the form of jobs, brand naming of the district on the international tourist scene, and ancillary development, jobs businesses, etc.  Perhaps his kids wouldn't have needed to have moved away, or overseas, to find a life.

The response of the only of the two of the vapid western women still able to string a sentence together:
(She'd completely missed the bartender's meaning.....)
"Haha, the [overseas developer] will just have to go & spend all his money at home on fancy cars, luxury holidays & new villas, ha ha ha ha....."

The bartender, bland faced, said nothing....

Mine Host near choked on his champagne.  Yes, people really are this stupid.  Seeing a resort development only in terms of how much money it will make for the developer (making money is baaad).... and being stupid enough to think that 100% of the cost of constructing the resort was discretionary disposable cash burning a hole in the developer's pocket.

One supposes that there are, somewhere, developments that are not done with borrowed money, but such circumstance would be very rare.

Even less likely would be a developer, who when stymied by vapid western green groups, just spends an equal amount of money on lifestyle.

******

Have either of the two women mentioned above ever heard of the phrase "raising capital", or thought about the meaning behind that phrase?

Have either of them thought of how they seem, laughing to a resident of a district with limited economic propects, at how the district, on the whim of already affluent pressure groups, being arbitrarily denied a life-changing chance at some of the properity enjoyed by those same two women?

They walk among us........

Stupid. Got a degree, but still stupid.

It is of constant amazement to Mine Host how many people consider themselves to be "worldly-wise" and "broad-minded" whilst actually being as dumb as a box of rocks.

The gurus behind Blogger.com security have just been added to that list.

Doubtless these code writers have a tertiary education, likely a swish degree in something difficult.

Since the date of the previous post, Mine Host has been at a geographic location he's never before been to.  Attempts to log in to blogger are met with:

[Looks like you are attempting to log in from an unusual location]
[Please type in the name of the city where you usually log in]

Fine.  A security measure, in case some russian hacker in vlottastock or somewhere has obtained username & password.

So Mine Host types in the name of the town where he usually logs in.

However the really excellent blogger software stated that Mine Host had entered the wrong town.

Mine Host is many things, but he is aware enough to know which town he is in.  However to satisfy the gods of blogger he enters every town where he has logged in to this blog.

Nothing worked, all were the wrong town.

To cut a long story short, login attempts were refused until just now Mine Host typed in the name of a distant city, the same distance from him as Cairns is from Melbourne.

Bingo!  Blogger recognised it as the usual location.

No it isn't you university educated morons.  It is merely the city where his ISP stores many of their servers.  There is no reason for any person to imagine that this place is being logged as the "city where you usually log in".

To repeat:  These blogger security people not only went to university, they passed their exams!

Video Evidence

After a few months on the payroll at the Wayside Tavern, Gertrude Frump presented with a medical certificate, saying she had sustained a back injury at work, and would be unfit for any duties until such time as the second coming occurred.

In her claim she made much of the "injury" that happened to her "at work", and of how she could now barely bend over, was unable to perform even basic household tasks, blah blah blah.

Workcover phoned to:
1/. Request paperwork on her rate of pay, etc.
2/. Request any other information regarding the "injury".

Mine Host assured Workcover he'd forward payroll details, and mentioned that the claim was bogus.....
..... the security camera footage of the hours and days subsequent to the "injury" did not show any sign of a back injury.
...... she was shown for the several hours after the "injury" leaping about like a young gazelle, handling heavy loads, etc. until her shift ended.
......a few days later she helped carry an entire lounge suite up the back stairs of the Wayside Tavern.  This took more than an hour, and was heavy lifting the entire time.

Thus Mine Host offered to make copies of all this damning CCTV evidence, and forward it to Workcover.

The young lady from Workcover said guardedly that they "like to see these sort of things", as it was of invaluable assistance in uncovering bogus claims.

Several CDs containing 6 hours of very damning video files were posted to Workcover.

Several days later, having heard nothing from Workcover, and with curiosity consuming him, Mine Host telephoned the young lady.

The Workcover inspector lady at first had no recollection of who Mine Host was, or to what he was referring.

When it became clear that Mine Host was not going to be put off, and was wanting to know what Workcover inspectors thought of the video footage, she remembered the case, and the video files.

In a heated and antagonistic tone of voice she curtly barked at Mine Host:

"That video supports her claim!"


**********************

Gertrude Frump, due to being "unable to perform even the simplest household tasks, because of her work injury", was on full worker's compensation for 6 months.

During that time she left her husband of 20 years, spending the 6 months living in a house shared by several single tradesmen.  She did all the housekeeping and cooking for them in return for a free room, bed with whichever housemate she chose, and payment in cash.

Volunteer Plumber

Vandalism to the premises by members of the public is a never ending battle for publicans.
This criminal activity is usually conducted out of public view.   In these times of security cameras, vandalism is mostly inside the toilets, where not only are there no security cameras, but a little bit of personal privacy is granted.

A common activity is to smash a beer glass into a toilet bowl, then defecate copiously upon it, creating a nasty & very septic booby trap for the cleaning staff, as the only way to clean this is painstakingly, by hand.

There is a very special place in the heart of all Wayside Tavern staff for the anonymous ghosts who perform such acts, as we've all had a go at cleaning up these types of mess.

However, sanctimonious refusal to allow security cameras anywhere near the toilets is a two-edged sword!

On a certain evening one of the guards, patrolling the gents toilets, happens to interrupt a male person in an act of vandalism.  The guard advises the event via two-way radio.

Mine Host & two more guards attend post-haste.  There is a lot of pent-up vengeance being brought to this incident.

The male person is being detained by the guard who caught him.

The offender had ripped open the supposedly man-proof cistern cover, reefed a handful of pipes from the cistern, twisted them, dropped them into the toilet bowl, then defecated upon them.

The vandalised plumbing is still in situ.

The three guards subtley edge closer to the male.  Well aware of the precariousness of his situation, the offender is visibly shaking with fear.
There are no cameras in here, no witnesses, and no cops.

The guards advise the male person that he will remove, with his bare hands, the damaged plumbing from the toilet bowl, sanitize it, repair it and fit it from whence it came, then clean out the toilet bowl.

The offender states that he's "Not putting [his] hands in there!"

In a realistic tone of voice, the guards state that unless he does, they'll thrash him to within an inch of his life.  The menace in the air is palpable.

The guards don't much mind which way it goes.  They've had their turns at cleaning up after animals like this.

The offender realises from the look in the eyes of the guards that whichever of the guards who hits him first will punch him on the point of the nose, but be aiming for the back of his head.

... for those who haven't been around violence, this does not mean that he'll be hit from behind.....

The offender turns white, and shaking with fear, proceeds to do as ordered.  The supervision is most intense!

After the repairs are complete, the offender is removed most forcefully from the premises and advised to never return.

So continues life behind the bar.

Commercial Awareness

There are some things to not do at a job interview.

Some examples:

• Wear sunglasses pushed up on top of the head.
• Dress casually.
• Overtly display necklaces/gold chains.
• Say stupid things.

Recently an applicant for a senior role remarked in conversation that were he as "rich" as Gina Rinehart, he'd use the money for "good" instead of being "greedy and wanting more".

This automatically vetoed his job application.

That Reason: It demonstrates lack of commercial awareness.

The Wayside Tavern is a commercial enterprise.

The Wayside Tavern is self funding.

The very minute the Wayside Tavern stops making a profit, it ceases to exist.

The very minute the Wayside Tavern stops making a profit, every member of the staff loses their job.

Thinking of money as something to give away, is fine for someone on the dole, in the armed forces, in the church, etc., but not in a commerical business!

Almost every business in the land (almost certainly this includes Gina Rinehart) is mortgaged or otherwise beholden to lenders.

If a business is valued at (say) ten million dollars, it does not mean the owner has the option of converting it all into $10,000,000 in banknotes tomorrow morning, putting it under a mattress, and spending it on beer, snacks, dancing girls or perhaps giving $10,000,000 to the needy.

A business is a treadmill, demanding inordinate amounts of the owner's time, without regard to a social calendar.

A business valued at (say) ten million dollars has two options:

Stop trading, in which case there'll be not much left after the fire sale, and the owner will quite likely have to get a job.

Pursue profit, in the hope of keeping one's head above water (financially).

This latter is a constant battle.

In a key role, in a commerical enterprise, there is no room for someone who is not commercially aware!

Heck, this bloke probably believes that all that money in the cash register in Grace Bros. is "pure profit - cash in hand, not bad work if you can get it?"

Noisy Street March in the City

In the big smoke on business yesterday, Mine Host (and everybody else in the CBD) couldn't help but hear a noisy mob on the street below.

Windows were popping open everywhere, as people strived for a better view of the unfolding event below. Police were at the scene.

Yep! Sailors of the R.A.N. marching to a brass band, through the streets of central Cairns!

A similar event happened yesterday in Sydney, but a vastly different mob, with a vastly different outcome, and a vastly different level of public support. As reported by Boy on a Bike.

Going Viral

One could post about the advisability of clicking on the wrong part of an unsavoury website, or the benefits of keeping one's anti-virus up to date......

..... but it is when all your auto-storage of passwords is consigned to history that the full impact of losing one's usual computer hits home.

One could post on the joys & hardships of trying every password combination possible, only to be locked out of websites by this message: Account suspended due to too many password attempts.

... Mine Host has now winched up a bucket of water from the memory well, and has drunk the elixir contained therein. All passwords are now stored in the super safe location of an A4 page blu-tacked to his office wall, in a word document in every computer, on a card carried in his briefcase, inside his suitcase, and just about everywhere else except tattooed upside down on his tummy.

Regular posting will now resume.....

How to Withdraw a Job Application

On the phone to a shortlisted applicant for an executive level position, Mine Host apologises for being a couple of days returning the call. He offers one of the most well-used cover stories there is: "I've been a bit tied up with a few contracts".
Translation: "I don't have to explain myself to you, and I won't be"

"Are you some sort of Gina Rinehart type?" asks the applicant.

Mine Host laughingly states that there are "many differences" between him & the minerals magnate Gina Rinehart.

The candidate then kills their application:

"Glad to hear you're different to her. I just don't understand her greed. If I had that much money, I'd be using it to help people, rather than being greedy with it!"

That did it, Mine Host is many things, however he is not silly enough to let someone with such a mindset to get anywhere near his rice bowl.

How can anyone with that attitude expect to be hired for a job that requires them to do some actual thinking?

UPDATE: There have been a few emails from distant acquaintances, (who it should be noted, aren't in executive level positions) expressing puzzlement at "what is wrong" with the above statement by the job candidate.

For the information of those who are fortunate enough to have not faced the bailiff, the receiver, or had a "no coffee no biscuit" interview with the bank, and thus perhaps have not had economic reality enforced on them, tomorrow's post shall bring enlightenment!