Not Connected

You would think that "everybody" has a mobile phone these days, correct?

Well, "everybody" apart from homeless, weirdos, great-grandparents (fuddy-duddy types) and farmers from places where there isn't mobile phone coverage, correct?

Normal people in bog-standard western economies (ie Australia) all have mobile phones, correct?

Think Again:

Five of the Wayside Tavern staff do not have a mobile phone.  Weirdos?  Drug-addled loonies?  People on the run?

Nope!

A married man in his forties,  A married woman in her thirties, and three single ladies.

Each of them is as normal and well adjusted as can be.  They've just never ever had a mobile phone.

The married man is a most suave and interesting chap, has spent most of his life overseas or working on cruise ships, mostly as a senior clerical officer/manager.

The married woman is a former law student now married to a tradesmen who is on a long-term contract in the district.

One of the single girls is a chemo nurse in her mid-thirties, very slim, very attractive and intriguing,  having a break from her career, spending a year working in "the general economy".

Another is a very attractive and interesting girl in her mid-twenties, working to accumulate a grubstake.

The other is a super-duper attractive twenty year old girl with a most infectious smile, who makes an adventure of everything.  She's already been all around the world.

And none of them have a home phone or landline either.

Offer Withdrawn!

An actual human (i.e. someone with common sense) at the NBN has been in touch with the Wayside Tavern.

It turns out connection to the NBN has not been offered to the Wayside Tavern.  An offer was made, yes, but that was for a personal domestic connection.

"The cost for exactly the same connection (and exactly the same useage) is so much higher for a business that you wouldn't be interested."

When pressed, the consultant explained that businesses with employees are slugged "so much more heavily" that he is ashamed to even have to reveal the price.  (Note:  This is for exactly the same connection, {cough} speed, and useage as either a business with 0-6 employees or for a domestic household)

Rather bad luck for all the staff, most of whom do not have a home connection, and depend upon the connection available at work.  No NBN for them either!

NBN

The NBN is available to the Wayside Tavern!

Cost:    $150-$200 per month.
Speed:  6 mb per second.

Considering how much of Australia's money has been squandered on the NBN, and given the abovementioned cost and internet speed:

How does this offer stack up?

Single Bill

Australia's major telephone & internet provider, Telstra (its 3rd name during Mine Host's dealings with it) a few years ago spent really really big on advertising the fact that they now offered "Single Billing":

All your telephone & internet services could be put onto the one bill. For your convenience.

With something like thirty-five telephone lines & at least ten adsl internet connections, and just about all of them on their own individual monthly bill, the office at the Wayside Tavern was in a constant state of "pending" bills to Telstra.

Single Billing certainly appealed to Mine Host. Get it all onto the one bill. Get rid of all the confusion, and make it easy to see if Telstra is slipping in any extra services.

Single Billing hasn't happened yet. There have been several false starts over the past few years. Anyone who has had the experience of being a Telstra customer will know what I mean. They start a project, in this case consolidating your phone lines onto a single bill, then several months later when you enquire how it is coming along, they have "no record" of the matter, and the account executive you asked for "left the company months ago sir".

The current attempt has been underway for almost six months. It is the most successful so far, having actually gotten most services put onto the one bill.

Some services continue to be billed individually (it seems Telstra is unable to swap everything at once!) and some services have (inexplicably) been put onto the bill of the next pub up the street.

Dead email

The business email has stopped working.

It transpires the email address has been closed.

"It was closed sir, because you requested it be closed."

The email address has irretrievably gone into "quarantine" & will be not be available for Seven years.

Not happy with this, I demand the reinstatement of the email address.

"Sir, all calls to this centre are recorded for coaching & training purposes, your call to request the closing of that email address will have been recorded, if you escalate a complaint that recording will be produced."

I escalate a complaint. No recording is ever produced. (Gee, wonder why not?)

I quite naturally want the scalp of the clerk who killed my email address. However Bigpond (the ISP) are rude & defensive.

Next stop for me: The Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman.
The TIO requests me to first try to sort it out with the person about whom I am complaining.

Hmmm.... (After that)......

The TIO says that since I cannot sort it out with Bigpond, then there is nothing that can be done.

(Why do we bother to fund a Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman?)

You couldn't make it up!

Wrong Number

As does everybody, The Wayside Tavern has a telephone number listed in the White Pages (the telephone directory).

Out of the blue a letter from Telecom arrives, informing that effective the end of the month, "service 07 9876 5444" would be withdrawn from use. (This is the Wayside Tavern's number as published in the White Pages)

A "Waddya mean by this?" phone call was placed to Telecom. Reply: "You shouldn't have that number, so it is being suspended from use"

Telecom had allocated that number some decades ago, when STD phones were connected.

The response did not waver: "You haven't the right to that number sir, thus it will be removed from your account"

There wasn't a person in Telecom, with or without personal clout, to whom Mine Host did not appeal.

At the end of the month that one number went dead. Pleadings to Telecom to return the number fell upon deaf ears.

For the next three years that number remained listed in the White Pages, despite every attempt by Mine Host to remove it & have it replaced with the new phone number.

Heaven only knows how many phone calls we missed because diallers could not find our number. Local businesses would resort to walking down to see us, because the number they had for us didn't seem to ever work.

In the years since Mine Host has sporadically dialled the number, it remains dead. It was never given to anybody else. Mine Host cannot fathom why it suddenly was suspended, after umpteen years of it being the Wayside Tavern's published telephone number.

The new number is: (say)
07 9876 3444.
The old number was: (say)
07 9876 5444.
Other numbers we had before, & still have include: (say)
07 9876 5443
07 9876 5445

You couldn't make up this stuff.

Soviet Union Without the Tanks, and just as Inefficient

Like many, Mine Host is no stranger to the frustrations of dealing with Australia's telephone company. Currently named "Telstra", it is the only nationwide provider of landline, internet & mobile phone services. There is no alternative provider.

In most places options are limited to:
a) Use Telstra or;
b) Do without telephone & internet.

Mine Host longs for the day when competition in the telecoms industry extends to areas beyond the Cappucino divide.

Pre-competition Telstra (then named "Telecom") had a customer service attitude that led to it being known far & wide as "Just like the Soviet Union, but without the Tanks". Little has changed.

When the Diver's Arms took over an adjacent motel wing, the acquired operation had 9 landlines accross Two accounts. Mine Host & the vendor filled out forms to transfer the Two accounts to Mine Host's existing account.

The forms were submitted, time passed, the telephones in the new motel wing were cut off. For "non-payment of account".

Extended periods on hold ensued, followed by discussions with the usual round-robin of consultants in various sections of Telstra.
Outcome: Mine Host was requested to resubmit the original forms for transfer of the Two accounts as Telstra claimed to have no record of a change of customer.

Telephone services were restored.

Time passed, the telephones in the new motel wing were cut off. For "non-payment of the account". Telstra claimed no knowledge of any change of ownership paperwork & got quite snippy about the bill. Extended periods on hold ensued, followed by discusssion with consultants in various depts. of Telstra...... etc etc etc.
The change of customer forms were re-submitted, everything "will now be fixed up sir".. blah blah blah.

Time passed, the telephones in the new motel wing were cut off.. etc etc etc..... Again Telstra claimed no knowledge of any change of customer forms, & so on............

.........As time passes Mine Host is armed with an ever-enlarging set of Telstra refernce numbers, consultant's names, and list of special teams that his case has been escalated to.

The change of customer forms have now been submitted Four times in Three months.

It would be false to claim nothing has changed, as;
Two of the 9 landlines have been permenantly disconnected. (Guests now have difficulty phoning out)
One of the landlines has been transferred singly to Mine Host's account.
The original Two accounts are still in the name of the vendor (sans the landline that has made it accross to Mine Host's account)
and;
One of the landlines has branched out onto a new account of it's very own, also in the name of the vendor.

At every step of the way Mine Host has spoken to Telstra staff who come accross as efficient, intelligent, and with a full understanding of their product.

The original paperwork is slowly becoming covered with stamps saying "Submitted to X on date X via means X (Mine Host popped into the newsagent & got a rubber stamp that says "Submitted......." with a space for the date)

You couldn't make it up.