Not Connected

You would think that "everybody" has a mobile phone these days, correct?

Well, "everybody" apart from homeless, weirdos, great-grandparents (fuddy-duddy types) and farmers from places where there isn't mobile phone coverage, correct?

Normal people in bog-standard western economies (ie Australia) all have mobile phones, correct?

Think Again:

Five of the Wayside Tavern staff do not have a mobile phone.  Weirdos?  Drug-addled loonies?  People on the run?

Nope!

A married man in his forties,  A married woman in her thirties, and three single ladies.

Each of them is as normal and well adjusted as can be.  They've just never ever had a mobile phone.

The married man is a most suave and interesting chap, has spent most of his life overseas or working on cruise ships, mostly as a senior clerical officer/manager.

The married woman is a former law student now married to a tradesmen who is on a long-term contract in the district.

One of the single girls is a chemo nurse in her mid-thirties, very slim, very attractive and intriguing,  having a break from her career, spending a year working in "the general economy".

Another is a very attractive and interesting girl in her mid-twenties, working to accumulate a grubstake.

The other is a super-duper attractive twenty year old girl with a most infectious smile, who makes an adventure of everything.  She's already been all around the world.

And none of them have a home phone or landline either.

The Boss is Wrong!

"Any boss who sacks anyone for not turning up today is a bum."
 BOB HAWKE, after the historic victory of the yacht Australia II in the 1983 America's Cup.

Such a statement would be unthinkable today.
When Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke said this, in memorable circumstances, just plain old not coming to work was grounds for dismissal.

Times have changed markedly.  A boss who sacks anyone for not turning up would today be entering a dual world of legal pain and financial penalty.

Think I'm joking?  Just try it and see!

Someone once did not turn up for work at the Wayside Tavern.
Three weeks later Mine Host informed them they were not welcome back.  That only came about as the person actually turned up for work (after three weeks would you believe) as if nothing had happened.

Mine Host then entered a world of financial and legal pain, one in which due process was absent, and his "guilt" was taken for granted by the (cough) impartial system and (cough) unbiased commissioners.

Hearing the above phrase of the (then) Prime Minister quoted, as it is from time to time, is a "trigger phrase" for Mine Host.   Though it is unlikely there will ever be retribution or atonement for the wrongs perpetrated in the name of "unfair dismissal" legislation, in his more maudlin (or perhaps more realistic) moments, Mine Host dreams of someone carrying out the brutal thrashing of an ALP politician.

In the circumstances, such an event would be most deserved.

Under the Weather

The outcome of the recent Australian Federal Election caused an interruption to posting, for Mine Host has sought to seek solace in drink......

.... Principally Moet !

Normal posting to resume forthwith.

Uncoloured Boys

Two police officers strut into the office of the Wayside Tavern!

[Here we go again] thinks Mine Host, seeing the determined look on the faces of the police officers, a look somewhat remniscent of that adopted by dogs when their dinner bowl is interfered with by a possum.

"There's two members of the Rebels in your bar!" ejaculates one of the officers.

"Er... how interesting" says Mine Host, stifling a yawn.

"What will you do to rectify this situation?"  demands that other officer.

"What situation?" says Mine Host, affecting yet another yawn.

"Well....Outlaw motorcycle gang members shouldn't be in here!" stammered the first officer.

"Are they wearing club 'colours'?" enquires Mine Host.

"Er.... no, but you shouldn't be letting them in here!"

"Why ever not? If they're not wearing 'colours' how on earth am I to know they are members of an Outlaw motorcycle gang?"

"Er...... Um......"

"Am I supposed to spend all day gazing at every person who enters, to see if they 'look like' they may be members of an outlaw bikie gang?  In fact officer, what does an 'Outlaw-bikie-in-mufti' look like?"    (I lost the coppers with the word 'mufti')
"Should I insult every last stranger with intrusive questions about their possible affiliation with bikie gangs?"

"Er...... .... Um.... "

The two police officers left, with a facial expression resembling that adopted by a dog that has tail between legs.

First Time for Everything !

On their way home from putting their kids in to high school, two ladies break the two days of flying with an ovvernight stop at the Wayside Tavern.

Neither of them has ever before entered a restaurant.

They have never before had a cocktail.

They have never before heard of a cocktail.  They have no concept of what a cocktail is.

They ate a restaurant meal, they drank a cocktail (a "mai tai" each)

The Wayside Tavern dishes up the best tucker north of Adelaide.

It was the first night on duty (and his second night in the country) for the barman in the Wayside Tavern's cocktail bar.

This country is much larger, and the backgrounds and experiences of the natural born citizens more diverse than one may first think.

Wish Granted!

Been griping about the amount of air time ABC news & current affairs programmes have been devoting to the Global Warming scam?

Been hurling the sherry glass at the tv screen in sheer frustration at the amount of airtime ABC news & current affairs have devoted to the 100th-tier issue of "gay marriage"?

Your wish has been granted!

For some years the abovementioned two matters have been (to the ABC) the biggest event since Adam & Eve ate the apple.....

..... not any more, for the ABC hasn't a moment to spare, so busy it is getting stuck into Rupert Murdoch.

You'd swear Mr. Murdoch is the Anti-Christ incarnated.  (If you actually believed what you see and hear on ABC news & current affairs, that is).

The ABC's fanatic obsession has been pursued to the point where their Murdoch-666 obsession has become comedy.

The nadir came on Monday night's Media Watch programme on ABCTV.
Nobody can produce and actually put to air an episode such as Monday night's, not and maintain any claim to be journalists.

Prime Minister Abbott:  Don't just cut ABC funding to the bone - the news & current affairs section needs to be completely dismantled, and started again, with entirely new faces.

Vote Winning Policy

Reasons to vote for the Liberal Party in the upcoming Australian Federal election are manifold.

Liberal Party leader Tony Abbott provides yet another:

He will legislate for small businesses to receive the same consumer protections that individuals receive.

This alone is sufficient to be worth voting for him & his party.

********               *********                ************

It is not possible to overstate the deleterious effect to a small business of not having any rights as a consumer.

Big business, government, and particularly gypsies & conmen, all brutally capitalise on the fact that small businesses have (pretty much) no consumer rights whatsoever.

There is an entire industry of rip-off artists and conmen who are allowed to exist, purely to fleece unsuspecting small businesses.

There is an entire section of big business that exploits small businesses without any mercy.

The Labor Party, during their current term in office, was given the opportunity to enact these protections.  However the Labor Party, by deliberate inaction (as opposed to brainless incompetence) chose to not protect small business.

One may conclude that the Labor Party is the party of Big Business.

One may be correct.

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Mine Host looks forward to Prime Minister Abbott protecting the little blokes from the brutes of the corporate world, and from the vultures of the gypsy world.

Mine Host is unsure how many voters he can influence, but Tony Abbott has convinced him to try. The federal electorate which hosts the Wayside Tavern can at times come down to only a few hundred votes. On a good day Mine Host may be able to influence that number of voters.

Don't vote for the Dingo

Reasons to not vote for the Liberal Party (in the upcoming Australian Federal election) are manifold.

Liberal Party leader Tony Abbott provides yet another:

Just before a recent leaders debate, Tony Abbott announced a $5,000,000 (Five Million Dollar) gift of taxpayer money to a Brisbane Rugby League Football club.

The lucky club is already one of the wealthiest community organizations in the nation, for it has been granted (at no cost) 280 poker machines, which collectively yield say $10,000,000 annually.

.... and Tony Abbott gives this club another $5 million that has been hoovered from taxpayers.

             *********                      ************                ************

Mine Host to Tony Abbott:  Where is my $5 million (to extend the Wayside Tavern building, and provide "better facilities" for my community?)

The Wayside Tavern has already been levied more than $100,000 (One Hundred Thousand Dollars - from a country pub) for extensions and redevelopment at Lang Park (cynically known now in the hotel industry as: "pub park" or "hotel park").

Mine Host is unsure how many voters he can influence, but Tony Abbott has convinced him to try.  The federal electorate which hosts the Wayside Tavern can at times come down to only a few hundred votes.  On a good day Mine Host may be able to influence that number of voters.

America is Kaput

This has gone too far!

Every rodeo clown in the USA should strike.
Every rodeo rider should strike.
Every American should boycott every state fair.
Every decent human being should wear an Obama mask and march on Washington DC.

Perhaps a million-mask march.

For Richer or Poorer, in Sickness & Health.... etc

Perhaps Mine Host fosters a workplace culture of enterprise and individual achievement.
Perhaps Mine Host selects enterprising types as staff.
Perhaps it is pure chance.

But at least three (3) people who have been low level employees of the Wayside Tavern (with seat out of their pants, blah blah) have within a few short years become larger than average entrepreuers.

Two of them with debts now of more than $5 million.  (Good on 'em!)

A third, having made a lot of money with nothing more than his hands and a mobile phone, has entered into a business where he places capital at risk (a shop).

This has gone quite badly, it looks as if he'll lose his shirt.

But it ain't over yet.  He's putting tremendous effort (likely in vain) into saving the business.

His wife, has she pulled out the stops to support him, making the home front as much a sanctuary as possible, cooing & cah-ing over him, and giving him both refuge from the worries of the world and mental/spiritual comfort, in his time of distress?

Pig's rear end she has!  The bitch has just about pulled the plug on him, calling his judgement into question, implying he is a failure & "loser", and haranguing him day & night at home, over his "blowing" of the fortune he had built up.

She's on the verge of moving out with the kids, and going back to her parents (who are rich - very rich)

Perhaps it is confirmation bias, but this is a very common response by women to their man facing financial or other hardship.

The added distress for this man is almost impossible to imagine.  He never considered even looking at another woman, lives for his kids and what he can provide for them, and loves his wife dearly.
The distress caused by just the thought of his children no longer living under his roof, is, to a practicing Roman Catholic almost intolerable.

He is young, resilient and resourceful.  He'll make another fortune (and if she pulls the plug she won't share in it.)
Neither will she notice or care, as her father is not just rich, but Rockerfeller type rich.

Even if she doesn't move out, she is making his life hell at a time when he needs support and reassurance that he has a loving family.

Instead she's jerking the rug from under him.

Hell has a special place for such women.

Can't tell Daylight from Dark

A depressingly common theme is the inability of (some members of) the general public to recall very recent events and movements in their daily life.

Specifically, which pub they were in last night, this morning, or even ten minutes ago.

Many times has Mine Host's time and patience been wasted by a person angrily demanding replacement or refund (or something) for defective liquor that "was bought from your pub mate" - this often despite a price tag or some other label clearly showing the name of another pub.

When this is pointed out, the complainant will become angry, defensive, and (to cut a long story short) mystified how the other pub's name got there ".... coz I know I got it from your place mate".

Finally they wander off, believing they've been had by Mine Host, but unable to figure out how.

This happens only with dim-witted bogans and Kath & Kim types?  Think again.

Think that well critiqued & properly constructed online reviews for hotels are left by sophisticated white collar types who are smart enough to at least know which hotel/resort they stayed at?  Think again.

At the online customer review site Trip Advisor, two of the reviews of the Wayside Tavern are clearly and obviously intended for another business.

These two reviews go into detail of the building, the layout, method of construction, materials used, and lots of other things that are a dead giveaway.

Yep!  Some people are so stupid that they leave a trip advisor review on the page of the wrong business.

*********************

As can be easily guessed, both of these reviews are very negative.  If anyone has the faintest idea how to get Trip Advisor to remove (or move) these reviews, it would be gratefully received.

Full Employment Economy

Believe the current polls/reports/whatever that suggest unemployment is on the increase in Australia?
Consider this:

The Wayside Tavern advertises a skilled job (on one of Australia's leading job bulletin sites).
The job ad, including the headline, clearly states the location as:

Beyond the Black Stump, Queensland.

There are a mere Three (3) responses:

The first applicant was well qualified and oh so very suitable, but upon discovering the job is not in Melbourne, flatly refused the position.

Mine Host is unable to comment on the other two applicants, as neither of them answered their phone.  Well not for 14 days - which is when Mine Host gave up trying their numbers.

Your Safety in Their Hands........

Late July 2013:   (say the date was the 27th)

 

Health inspection of the kitchens at the Wayside Tavern.

The council health inspector was the usual under-achiever with a chip on his shoulder and zero empathy for anyone whose survival depends upon producing something.

 

The health inspector, like many such jobsworths, had migrated some 20-odd years ago from the English Midlands.  Crikey, who wouldn't have guessed that?

 



In his zeal to do Australia what his ilk did to the midlands, he found (minor) faults aplenty.

The "most serious" fault was "out of date" milk in the fridge.

Several 2 litre bottles were declared "significantly" out of date, having expired 14 days beforehand, on the 13th of July.

 

 

"This is a maximum fine of $100,000  - (pause for effect) - per bottle." Gloated the health inspector in a beta-male accent that had a resonance akin to fingernails on a blackboard.

 

Mine Host was ordered to dispose of the "severe health risk" on the spot.  Not being this ... person's... personal valet, Mine Host did not get on his knees and begin clearing milk out of the fridge.

 

Instead the Head Chef was summoned, and asked to "arrange" for the milk in the fridge to be destroyed.

 

The health inspector, with ire now aroused at Mine Host's blatant refused to personally perform demeaning physical tasks when ordered to, reminded Mine Host of the maximum fine (per bottle) and stated that the "health risk" must be removed immediately.

 

Mine Host stated to no one in particular that any fine for out of date milk would be contested most vigorously.

 

(Nothing gets a badge-toting pommy jobsworth riled faster than a challenge to their "author-a-ie.")

 

At this point Mine Host stopped the kitchenhand who was removing the milk and visibly destroying it, and took a photo of the "use by" date on each bottle.

 

Mine Host's forecast:  There won't be any fines issued, not ever.



Anzac Day

Business brought Mine Host to the big smoke late in the afternoon on Anzac Day.   This brought one of life's new experiences;  how Anzac Day is finished off in the metropolitan areas of this great nation.

It seems that returned servicemen (or the tail end of them) get awfully merry through over-imbibing, then put the wobbly boot on and lurch off home.

Mine Host has never seen this before.  Anzac Day has always been just another day, though a public holiday, and a mandatory half-day closed for pubs.  Returned servicemen are always out of the picture by 3pm.

Different in the big smoke.

Mine Host's most memorable observation: (Please, this is not intended in a negative sense)
The current crop of returned servicemen are sporting one helluva lot more medals from the left side of their chest than the blokes who served the entire First World War on the front line.

God, I hope we don't end up like the USA, a country where a serviceman who hasn't even been in battle will have fruit salad all over the left breast of his uniform.

Most of Mine Host's uncles served the full 6 years of World War Two, they have/had between three and five campaign/service medals each.  That is Three, perhaps Five, ribbons.  In one simple row.

Substandard

At 4.18 pm Australian Eastern Standard Time, on Thursday 4-4-2013 Mine Host telephones to an office in NSW.

The call is answered by a recorded message:  "Thank you for phoning X-corp, our office hours are 9am to 5pm, Australian Eastern Standard Time, please call back during these hours."

Mine Host checks the time, then tries again.  Same result, time after time.

The following morning, the number is phoned again.  Mine Host is put through to a director of the company (a significant sized operation, they employ more than 200 people, mostly in office work).

Mine Host mentions the surreal event of phoning between 9-5 eastern standard time, and being continuously met with a recording stating the the office closed at 5pm.

Specifically it is pointed out to the director of X-corp that Mine Host was phoning at 4.18pm Queensland time, (the state of Queensland uses Australian Eastern Standard Time - New South Wales vacillates between standard time and daylight saving time).

The X-corp director acts as if Mine Host has hydrophobia or something, patiently explaining that Queensland does not having daylight saving, whereas NSW does, and this is why 4.18pm in Qld is 5.18pm in NSW, thus 4.18pm in Qld is ..... (etc.etc.etc..... y'all've got the picture by now)

Mine Host rather succinctly points out that he is well aware that NSW occassionally switches from Standard Time to "Brokeback Mountain Time", however the matter at hand is that X-corp is answering the phone with a recording that is somewhat embarrassing to X-corp.

.... Yep, these self-centred dickheads believe that whatever time NSW decides to set the clocks to, is Eastern Standard Time.

Such delusion is not an uncommon one in NSW.

Bring 'em on!

In the really big smoke on business, and feeling the pangs of morning hunger, Mine Host happens upon a coffee-shop sorta place selling Max Brenner chocolate (by the cup).

Max Brenner chocolate, for those who've just arrived from Mars, is apparently the name of a chain of shops that sell hot chocolate or something, and serve it in a cup to patrons seated at a table.

Hmm.. ok.. us yokels never see this sort of thing.  Our cultural assimilation used to be obtained by reading the Women's Weekly, but in these more modern times it is the online news that ensures we are kept up to date on the antics of our big city co-citizens.

Individual franchises of the Max Brenner chain are from time-to-time targeted for blockades/pickets and chanting demonstrations by bigoted hippes & others who never work/wash/etc for the apparent crime of having an owner that is Jewish (or somesuch).

Thrilled at having found one of these joints, Mine Host looks around eagerly, hoping for some unwashed bigot to confront him and chant "jew-lover" (or something) in his face.  (In such circumstance it is likely the hippie would next speak when the cranio-facial surgeon removed the wire braces.)

Alas, there was to be no "knuckle-on-hippie" action for Mine Host on that morning.  All one could see were disinterested office workers & delivery boys going about their daily business.

Phooey!

Gazing uncomprehendingly at the menu by the door, Mine Host was eventually assisted by a giggle-pot of a waitress, who seemed to be unaware of Max Brenner's reputation among the intolerant class, and oblivious to Mine Host's urge to punch a protestor on the nose.

The choclate Mine Host is unable to comment on, for despite being ordered it was never served to him.

The breakfast was indisputably the worst Mine Host has paid for in his life.  The staff were shocked at being told so, and deflated when given a comprehensive critique on why this was so.  They offered to not charge for the chocolate...

....Mine Host then said something about how them not charging him for something that wasn't provided is a natural expectation of his, not a favour for them to bestow.

Summary:  Being as how they can't provide hot chocolate (and the food 5th rate and tasteless), and Mine Host didn't get to exercise himself by having fun rendering hippies unconscious, Max Brenner isn't worth going back to.

Reason #251

Anybody who says there is "no valid reason for any person to possess semi-automatic firearms" has never had the experience of discovering that a microsoft (or other software co.) update has afflicted their formerly perfectly working software.

There is nothing like discovering that not only do you have all new different shortcuts, but some of the best features have been written out of the software.  "You'll just have to get used to it sir!"

Life's too Short!! (part 2)

A recent duke-up between a very-junior-lawyer in a very-large-firm and Mine Host has apparently made it to the desk of one of the firm's National Partners.

This escalation may have been precipitated by a progressively sterner exchange of emails between Mine Host & said junior lawyer (she of the still-with-wet-ink-on-her-degree).

When combative (and extremely junior) female lawyers are coming out second-best in a legal argument with a client who didn't even finish high school, they tend to not take it real well.

The National Partner, a very experienced litigator but a very busy man, in Mine Host's opinion made the following mistakes:

• He listened (likely quite briefly) to his subordinate's (emotive) opinion of how she was being bullied by a dumb client.
• He judged Mine Host by his occupation (publican, well they're all drongos).
• He judged Mine Host by postcode (from the country? well he's gotta be stoopid).
• He skimmed the email exchange without actually reading any of it.
• He then put pen to paper (fingers to keyboard actually) and put in writing something into which his nose will be rubbed by Mine Host:

(this excerpt from his brief-but-snappy email is paraphrased here for blog-legible brevity)

"Life's too short for us to bother giving accurate advice"

Offer Withdrawn!

An actual human (i.e. someone with common sense) at the NBN has been in touch with the Wayside Tavern.

It turns out connection to the NBN has not been offered to the Wayside Tavern.  An offer was made, yes, but that was for a personal domestic connection.

"The cost for exactly the same connection (and exactly the same useage) is so much higher for a business that you wouldn't be interested."

When pressed, the consultant explained that businesses with employees are slugged "so much more heavily" that he is ashamed to even have to reveal the price.  (Note:  This is for exactly the same connection, {cough} speed, and useage as either a business with 0-6 employees or for a domestic household)

Rather bad luck for all the staff, most of whom do not have a home connection, and depend upon the connection available at work.  No NBN for them either!

NBN

The NBN is available to the Wayside Tavern!

Cost:    $150-$200 per month.
Speed:  6 mb per second.

Considering how much of Australia's money has been squandered on the NBN, and given the abovementioned cost and internet speed:

How does this offer stack up?